Finger: on the pulse

I’ve just discovered this brand new televisual and movie-viewing experience that I’d like to let you all in on. It’ll be our little secret – so tell no one! – and remember to give me credit where it’s due, because I am brilliant and benevolent and wise.

I also accept due credit in the form of cheques.

So I was snooping around the Dark Net, because that’s the kind of cool 90s hacker I am, when I found this service known as “Net” “Flix”. It sounded silly, but with some codebreaking that would put the spies of the Second World War to shame, I found my way inside its welcoming chambers.

What I found there was… well, nothing short of magnificent.

I know you literally can’t imagine it, but try and imagine a world where loads and loads of TV shows and films are available for you to “stream” – as is the parlance of the internets – into your telly and then into your brain. It’s like magic or something.

What it means is you no longer have to live in the past like a nerd (from the past) using downloads and DVDs and Blu-rays and other such outdated shit. You idiot from the past. Past idiot. Stop being so stupid, past bastard. Godddd.

Unfortunately we don’t live in the world I want to live in, so these ragtag little upstarts Gary Net and Oswald Flix demand payment to use their damnable thing. I’d almost be tempted to pay it too, and I probably will do one day when I have money.

So the year 2343 then.

So you should all thank me for letting you know about this, because you definitely found out about it from me and I definitely wasn’t slow on the uptake SHUT UP I WASN’T.

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