RECIPE: Ultra-Snack 9000 (will change your life)

It’s time for another one of my fantastical recipes, allowing you too to eat like a king (“me”) and enjoy life to its fullest. By eating. Like a king. By which I mean me. In case you didn’t figure that out. Shut up.

For this rather complex concoction you will need a metric fuckton of things:

Some Ryvita, or other brand rye crispbread snacks

Some vegetable spread if you can be arsed

Some tuna if you want to buy some for the extortionate price it costs these days

Now you’ll notice two of the ingredients are optional – all will be revealed in the step-by-step cooking instructions. GO:

Take Ryvita (or other brand rye crispbread snacks)

Spread with vegetable spread (do not do this if you don’t have any)

Cover with tuna (do not do this if you don’t have any)

Repeat about five more times

CONSUME

Dream of a world where you ate more cheese

And that’s that. These days I tend to be eating more and more of this recipe without the optional ingredients. Some call it ‘plain crispbread’ and ‘boring’, and they would be right. But then, who can be bothered cooking?

I will provide you with more recipes next time I can’t think of anything else to write. Bon appétit!

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