How do you write a film, or a TV show, or something like that? You know, to send to people to make them give you money for it?
See, I figure everything I ever see is a massive pile of wank. I also figure I’m broke, so I need avenues of work that actually pay money and not £FuckAll. I also also figure figure that I’m not terrible at writing, and it seems many people get things made even though they are terrible at writing.
As such, it’s time to take the step up. But I have no idea how, as I didn’t do Mickey Mouse bullshit courses of film studies or whatever like most of you wankers did. Who’s laughing now? Well, certainly not the one with near five years of schooling and a professional qualification under his belt.
No, it’s the people who were taught how to use Final Draft.
Anyway, I also need the names and addresses of people who will give me lots of money for these scripts, and in inimitable Dransfield fashion I’m going to both assume you lot have the contacts and that you will willingly give them to me straight away.
Not doing so will be seen as an act of war.
I also need to write that sketch show. And the graphic novel. The book can wait for a bit. The kids book had been done, technically, but still needs illustrations.
Can someone just give me shitloads of money please? I’m broke – like, really fucking broke – and it’s getting me down. A lot. Mainly because I’m constantly comparing myself to friends with real jobs who earn actual money and because I’m seven years removed from uni and I still earn less than if I just went and got a job at Tesco.
Fuck this shit.
That’s not a slight on Tesco workers either, it’s a pissed off remark on the fact I am a qualified professional with certificates and everything. In the words of Futurama: “You’ve got a degree in baloney.”