Thankfully we finally have a Dear Leader who knows what we – the common people of the nation – want in our lives. We all live as we do, be it aimlessly, with passion and drive, frugally, idiotically, boring..ly, sexily, even sexierly – whatever. People are different, and people are disparate, and people are, as a result, a confused mess.
But thanks to Davey Boy Cameron, we have something we can unite together against: The Poor.
Now you may think that’s a hasty definition of an individual, never mind a group. You may think it’s difficult to accurately judge what makes someone poor compared to, say, what makes someone happy with their lot. You might think it’s unfair to lambaste a subsection of society for not earning ‘enough’ money, or for requiring benefits to help them actually survive.
But you’d be wrong. Why? Well, because they’re poor.
As we all know, Poor People are worse than the Normal people (that’s you and I). Poor people smell bad, they look weird, they probably steal (it just makes sense). They don’t speak properly, they’re usually northern, they have the temerity to claim benefits from a system set up to help them out in times of need.
Basically, they’re the lowest of the low and they need to be eliminated.
So I’m over the moon at the fact David Cameron has fired the first salvo in his war on poverty. Not in the namby pamby, Guardian-reading loony left drivel way of ‘helping’ people and ‘getting them out of the rut’. This is war as in war. We are going to unite as one – we are going to unite as the Normal people we are and we are going to eliminate the scourge that is The Poor.
Once they are all dead, our society will be cleansed and we can all come together as friends, living forever in perfectly wealthy harmony.
And those of you that say ‘yeah, but surely if you eliminate the entire bottom rung of the wealth ladder you actively create a new bottom, thus redefining what it is to be ‘poor’ and beginning this whole sorry cycle of pointing the finger of blame at those less fortunate than the Normal people. Surely the entire concept of ‘poor’ is something dictated by societal norms, and societal norms are something that are changeable, malleable and constantly redefined – just like morals. Surely attacking one subsection of society for being different to Normal is the exact sort of behaviour that would come back to bite you on the arse in the future when you end up on the receiving end of the scorn, when you’re unable to defend yourself and nobody seems to want to defend you (because, as it stands, you’re no longer Normal). Surely it’s a bunch of lazy, hypocritical and disgusting behaviour encouraged by a bunch of out-of-touch rich cunts who have absolutely no interest in your well-being at all but will tell you they do if only to distract you from paying attention to just how cunty they are for a few days/weeks/months so they can carry on being pure evil’ can just shut up, because you’re wrong.
Dave said so.