My comedy shows (please don’t steal)

There have been vague discussions* today with my best friend** about writing a comedy show of some sort – perhaps a sitcom, maybe just a direct rip-off of Jake and Amir, but something that would be so hilarious your brain would just up and leave.

Sort of like how Homer’s does on the Simpsons. I might write that joke in and claim it as my own. Nobody watches the Simpsons, right?

Anyway, as a creative exercise – as well as a power play that shows you all who is King Of Laughing Making (it’s not a good title, I admit) – I’m going to provide you with a handful of ideas for sitcoms or other such comedy shows that you might well see myself and my bessie bud making in the next week or so.

Maybe two weeks, if it’s a long-term thing.

Glazed Ham
One of the Man Utd-owning Glazer family (undecided as to which), through unfortunate personal circumstances, has to move in with a struggling actor in a flat above a butcher’s shop. The flatmate’s acting is hammy. At some point, a meal of gammon is consumed, with one character remarking “my word, this is salty!” (possible catchphrase).

Thinking in the Friends mould, this would be a British version – a good British version, of course. It would reflect actual friendships in real life in that nobody actually likes each other and flatmates bitch at one another because of a fork left out next to the sink and a missing potato waffle. The first series will end with a horrific car accident in which one of the main characters is left a vegetable, and the remaining, cogent Mates have to make the decision as to whether it is right to keep the fallen Mate alive – is it really living, like this? Or is it the more merciful act to just pull the plug and walk away, safe in the knowledge your memory of the friend will be happy and free of suffering? And then, like, one of them will fart or something. I don’t know.

Hilarity, Inc.
An ensemble piece, possible vehicle for Russ Abbot, Hale (NOT Pace) and one of those famous fat blokes – I forget which. It would follow the exploits of the lead characters as they try to battle through reams and reams of bureaucratic red tape while trying to set up their own business. Said business will deal in selling factory reject power tools. Business will be run honestly and fairly, should it ever get set up – I see a lot of traction in red tape-based comedy, after all!

Donkey Racers
Self-explanatory. Donkeys race, people bet large sums on it, losers get the biggest laughs. If I have to say anymore I’d just be insulting your intelligence.

Don’t-Look-a, Feel-appy
Based around Gianluca Vialli (it’s a hilarious play on his name, the title), this would be a Candid Camera-style show where members of the public try to avoid the gaze of the Italian footballing legend. Should they manage to do so, only half of the game is complete – they then have to remain genuinely happy while knowing full well Gianluca Vialli is staring at them. I predict 0 winners for at least 12 series of it.

Deaf Leopard
A one-armed drummer (victim of a big cat attack) strikes up an unlikely friendship with a sentient, though hearing-impaired, Macintosh operating system. They go on adventures; mirth follows.
After he is twatted around his twatty head for being a twat, the twat who does whatever he apparently does for that pop group suffers amnesia. The show follows his hilarious encounters with people he’s forgotten from his old life, and his ongoing, burgeoning relationship with a scallop-seller from the Denford Ash area.

*It was mentioned, once, and immediately forgotten about.

**In the whole world.

*** In the wholest entirest world.

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