So science, in its infinite wisdom (sorry, ‘finite’ wisom, otherwise why would it bother doing science anymore if all the science has already been done? Hmm? HMM? Answer me that, poindexter) has gone and reversed the ageing process on some mice and is hoping to try and make it work on people.
I have decided this means I will, in about, say, six months (science works fast, I’ve also decided) be able to go back to any age I want and try again with the knowledge I have now.
As such I have decided to go back to when I was three years old and remember to not fall off the harbour wall, thus saving me years of people cutting my hair and remarking “oh! You have a scar on your head!” as if I don’t know.
I will head back to all the points I was ever embarrassed or made to look the fool (there’s lots of them) and eliminate anyone who laughed at me. WITH HAMMERS.
I’ll make a trip back to when I was about 12 or something and my dog got attacked by another dog and I just stood there and cried while my brother tried to beat the shit out of it, only this time I’ll bring a shotgun. I’ll also probably cry again.
I’ll make a quick stop off in my uni days and point out there is no wall on the other side of that fence, thus avoiding my annoying broken finger. Oh, and a swift jaunt to November 2008 and remember to not launch into a jumping tackle against the fat guy because it will destroy my ankle.
Basically I’ll use this breakthrough to avoid all of my major injuries. That sounds about right.
Then I’ll go to all the ages of major sporting events and bet on all the winners and be a billionaire when I get back to this age.
Oh shit wait no I just got it mixed up with a time machine. My mistake.