Death is* silly *”can be”

There are silly ways you can die, when you think about it.

I was struggling to think of a quick blog just now, so I went to do a toilet. As I set my iPad down on the radiator (to move it out of the sink, obviously) in order to wash my hands, it slipped and fell to the floor. I turned to get said ‘Pad and, as I backed up a bit, found myself almost stuck in the doorway of the bathroom.

Now my bathroom is tiny. Tiny enough that I genuinely have to turn sideways to get in and out of it. And, were the conditions right, I could well get stuck in that doorway. I didn’t this time, but if I had – unable to move, totally trapped in the gap made to host the crap trap door – and I had died there…

Well, that would just have been embarrassing.

Imagine you, for once, played the hero. You saw someone you deemed to be in need and you rush to their aid, resulting in you being hit by a bus, falling down an unnoticed (and very open) manhole cover or treading on an angry prototype cyber-swan sent back from the future to protect the Queen’s favourite birds resulting in it vaporising you with its mecha-laser-wings. You die.

Turns out the person didn’t actually need help. They were japing about with their friends, pretending to be in PG-12 some minor peril. And because of your inability to know this, you are dead. You’d feel quite the fool, if you weren’t already dead.

Choking on food, alone in your flat? Stupid. Drinking yourself to death, alone in your flat? Pathetic. Stumbling on your flip-flop before cracking your skull open on the marble fireplace, alone in your flat and oozing brain fluid out for the ants to feast on? Just darn silly.

So don’t fear death, because… I don’t know. There’s no moral to this story, idiots.


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