The Dark Knight Rises review, spoiler free (SPOILER: 7/10)

Batman: The Dark Knight Has A Haircut is a great film that I just went to see, so I decided to write a review of the film.

The Dark Knight Goes Surfing is a story about two dogs and a cat: one dog is a bulldog and the other is a golden retriever, while the cat is oh who cares cats are shit. Basically, thanks to spoilers a case of pets not understanding what humans do in their lives spoilers end the animals end up lost in the American wilderness.

There are incidents and accidents, hints and allegations, bears and mountain lions and – in one particularly evocative scene – the cat is nursed back to health by a kindly man who lives in the mountains. It’s a directorial tour-de-force by Christopher Nolan, though one does wonder where he spent all the £10 billion budget, as the animals don’t even have animated mouths.

Still, the passion and power contained throughout this rollercoaster, white-knuckle ride of a movie is what carries it, and carries it tall. Set piece after set piece, moment after moment – it never lets up, it never makes you think anything other than ‘this is a great film about some animals lost near a stream’. It is to movies what Citizen Kane is to movies.

But it’s not just an adrenaline rush: there’s emotion, and tons of it. You’ll feel the fear as the porcupine – a hitherto unknown DC Comics antagonist – assaults one of our plucky pooches, and you’ll shed a tear or seven when the golden retriever, old as he is, no longer thinks he can make it.

And that’s when Batman comes in and…

Oh, shit, no. I just got The Dark Knight Rises mixed up with Homeward Bound. My mistake.

7/10omHome

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