Tag Archives: ants

Judgement day, part II

I thought the war was over. I’d forgotten it had ever happened. Well, that’s not true. There are some things you just can’t forget. Some images burned into the recesses of you mind forever, always popping back up when you least expect it. They haunt you. Remind you of what happened – of what you did. We like to think we have a tight grip – some element of control to what we think; how we react.

But we don’t. And the memories never fade. You just get used to dealing with it. You become complacent, and justify it to yourself. “It had to be done,” you’ll say, “it just had to be done.” And for a time you can make yourself believe that. You buy into a self-facilitated delusion, and for a time it makes everything feel alright. For a time.

But the world has a funny way of reminding you.

I thought they were gone forever. I thought I had won. I wasn’t proud of myself, but it was for the greater good. I had learned to deal with my guilt – my grief – at the massacre that had unfolded by my hand. I suddenly understood just what the Mahattan Project scientists must have gone through, knowing their actions wrought untold destruction on thousands of innocent lives. I understood, because I too had done the same thing.

It was a massacre. A genocide. They didn’t stand a chance. I had won, but the victory had cost more than I ever expected it to. I left a piece of my soul on that battlefield, and sometimes I would argue with myself that maybe they were the true victors. After all, they didn’t have to live with the burden of guilt I had forced upon myself.

But complacency is an enemy we all have to contend with, and I let my guard down. I was consumed with guilt, I was so wracked with decisions I had made that I stopped paying attention. And they took advantage of that. And now they have come to seek their vengeance for my past transgressions.

Whatever I did, whoever I was, whatever I will do and whoever I will be – I am not going down without a fight. After all, I already have the guilt of what I did. I’m already having to deal with it. So if I have to inflict another ant-genocide on these crawling little bastards once again encroaching on my territory, I will. I will. No remorse, no retreat, no surrender.

In preparation for what has to be done – again – I’m going to watch Starship Troopers. Ask not what you can do for your flat, ask what the ant-killing device in your flat can do for you.

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Ants in my pants (“room”)

My flat is currently under attack. Well, more like under siege, except without Seagal. And I can be beaten in the kitchen. No, this is a siegettack from the industrious little bastards of the insect world: ants. They’re not overrunning the place but it is slightly annoying, especially as I haven’t layered the floor with a combination of honey and sugar (read: it’s not covered in ant food here). But still they come.

I have decided to fight back though. This aggression will not stand, man. I have been looking into ways in which I can combat these little bastards in order to stop them being on my table every now and then. Gits. The training has so far encapsulated watching both Alien and Aliens – we all know the xenomorph is similar to an ant in many ways, so it’s a fine way to figure out how to combat them. I am currently building a flamethrower, and the motion tracker just has a few faults to iron out (namely: it doesn’t track motion). I have so far discovered that I can shout “LET’S ROOOOCK!” at the ants and they… react. A bit.

The second element of training has been in video game form, and has been to play Earth Defence Force 2017. This game sees you running around the world, destroying the threat posed by giant ants of doom. I have learned you should buy an assault rifle, as well as hide in the sea for a bit. The sea is quite close in Bournemouth, so this could work nicely. See the attached:

I think, in the long run, the ants are going to win. Must step up the training efforts.

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