Tag Archives: arrested development

COME ON

Arrested Development is now officially, actually coming back. It’s been known for a while now, but the story’s been featured on the BBC and as we all know nothing is true until the BBC talks about it. Which is why my overall knowledge is lacking in certain areas. Areas the BBC doesn’t talk about. Like how popular hammocks are in the West Indies.

Sort it out BBC – I need my knowledge.

Anyway, this is not a cheap trick (illusion), though it did require an intervention where fans of the show wrote about it constantly while shouting “CHECK OUT BANNER, FOX!” until they got the message. And now it’s coming back.

And I’m happy.

Normally I’d be worried, because nothing that comes back is ever as good as before. But then I remember this week when I realised that new Futurama is just as good as old Futurama, meaning that entire logic bomb is a dud, has not detonated, is incorrect (bomb). Arrested Development can come back and can be as good as it was before.

It will be as good as it was before.

There’s a definite end in sight this time, there’s no desperation on the part of anyone to keep it going beyond the series and movie – they know how much they have to work with, they know what they can do in that time. There’s no rush, there’s no need to please network execubots, there’s no need to pander. They can just get on with it.

As such, I think it’ll be a resounding success. I might be wrong though, and there’s every chance I’m drunk right now.

(I’m not drunk, it just seems like I am because of all this positivity)

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Monster! Buster! … Bonster?

How many do we have left now? Let’s see – Firefly… nope, that’s all I can think of.

We wanted Family Guy back, we got it. Turns out we were very wrong to want it back, as it turns out it only really had a couple of good series in it before the writers did indeed turn out to be a bunch of barely-trained manatees picking a bunch of balls out of a tank. I would make up my own metaphor, but the South Park one is so utterly perfect it should be used wherever possible.

Basically, we were wrong. But we got it back.

Futurama was cancelled even though it was one of the best animated shows that’s ever been made. Certainly better than Family Guy, definitely better than latter-day Simpsons and arguably better than Simpsons in its prime. Well, not better than, but arguably as good as. When it’s good, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened. We wanted it back, and we got it back.

First it looked like it might go the Family Guy way, with some not-that-great feature length episodes. They sold well, it was recommissioned for a new series and I got a bit worried. Turned out I was wrong to be, as the new series of Futurama is absolutely great. Though admittedly there hasn’t been a Jurassic Bark moment yet.

*sob*

And now – we wanted it. It was killed in its prime. In fact, it was killed before it had the chance to hit its prime. And now it turns out we’re getting Arrested Development back. And I am happy. And I am not even worried.

I would ask ‘which way will it go – Family Guy or Futurama?’ but I don’t see the point. It won’t be anything other than brilliant.

Unless everyone involved makes a huge mistake.

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I’m watching Arrested Development again. Why aren’t you?

It’s been that time again in recent days – re-start Arrested Development again and watch it all. Again. Again. Again. Again. Etc. It’s the kind of thing where I should check this blog to see how many times I’ve talked about watching this show again (again again again) from the start. But then, I can’t really be bothered.

Anyway, up to the final disc of the whole show and it’s still brilliant. I’ve watched every episode dozens of times each and it’s still brilliant. “LOOK AT BANNER MICHAEL!” still makes me laugh like an absolute idiot. “MONSTER!” “Buster!” “BONSTER!” still makes me laugh even more than that.

In fact, just about everything about it still makes me laugh more than anything else ever. It’s a joke on a joke on a joke on a joke, with an added callback for good measure. No, it’s not perfect and yes, too many idiots like it (ah, arrogance), but it’s quite possibly my favourite of the funny things ever made.

There’s always money in the banana stand, after all.

Oh, and Gob trying to say ‘circumvent’ is one of my favourite things ever. “Sheershumvrent”.

So much about it. You should watch it if you haven’t, and if you had you should probably just go watch it again. Now. DO IT.

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Watching shit, or something

I’ve written about Arrested Development before, but I haven’t watched it for a while. This is actually a bit of an oddity for me, in recent years at least, as I’ve been watching it non-stop more or less every month or so for the last few years. Naturally this makes me well cool lah.

There’s a lot that’s cool about avoiding something you genuinely love for a while. At least when it comes to TV shows, as then you can pick and choose when you watch them. TV shows you can pick and choose when you watch are well good, lah.

But having a comedy show you truly love and watching it non-stop is brilliant, clearly. You can rely on it to cheer you up, you can consider the true meanings of each and every line and you can repeat every single line ad nauseam. Or just pre-empt them in a hilarious fashion. Trust me, it’s even funnier when you’re ruining lines for those who haven’t seen it before.

But to avoid something you love enough to watch all the time on purpose is brilliant. It means after a while you can watch it again and while it won’t be fresh it will be effing brilliant. I’m saying every line, but I don’t care – I haven’t seen it in a while.

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, I’ve been drinking for a while. (I’m not sorry)

“It’s as Anne as the nose on plain’s face”

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FIFA World Cup 2010 predictions – groups E-F

I would say “like a fine wine this gets better with age” but instead I’ll be more honest with you and say “like a £2.99 bottle of pissy-vinegar-wine this leaves a bad taste in your mouth, fills you with regret and gives you a headache. Oh, and it makes your mouth purple.” Honesty is of course the best policy.

Group E

Netherlands: I’ve never actually been to the Netherlands, which I consider quite odd as it’s cheap to go there and popular with ‘the kids’. It may be down to the fact that I have never been down with said ‘kids’, and because drug dealers and hookers scare me. Ah well. Quarters, possibly semis. Finals, I mean. Definitely not a hooker-related euphemism.

Japan: The Japanese will be galvanised after their rather fortuitous victory over Cameroon earlier today. Buoyed by their lifted spirits and not weighed down by their nation’s understandably-raised expectations the Japanese will make their way through to the second round in battling spirit, befor… GODZIRRA! Definitely not racist.

Cameroon: I have no opinion on Cameroon, mainly because I forgot the country even existed. Errm… out in the group stage?

Denmark: I’m not actually sure if the Danes are actually Danish or English or what, seeing as the adverts for their “favourite” lager claims to be as English as fish and chips or racism and alcohol-fuelled violence. Still, they are legally registered as a different country to England, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Speaking of doubt: as if Carlsberg is the most popular lager in Denmark. Surely those people have taste?

Group F

Italy: The old men of the tournament, dragging their zimmer frames around. Or is it the ‘average age of 28 team’? Either way, it’s some ridiculous point a dozen commentators and pundits can labour over in coming weeks, as the dirty dirty Italians more or less accidentally make their way to the semis. Though it would be hilarious if they only got to the quarters.

Paraguay: Where the fuck is Chilavert? (*checks Wikipedia*) Ah, retired in 2004, suspended prison sentence in 2006. Good work, one of my favourite keepers of all time. Definitely my favourite fat keeper of all time. I would write ParaGAY (like “you are gay” HAAHHA) off, but look at the other teams in the group.

New Zealand: From a literal perspective I can understand why New Zealand are in the finals: they did enough to qualify, obviously. From a figurative perspective? I do not understand why New Zealand are in the World Cup finals. It’s not even like they’re able to offer the ‘morbid curiosity’ factor the North Koreans bring. Sent home with their heads held half-high, I doubt they’ll be totally humiliated. After all – Ryan Nelsen!

Slovakia: Slovakia – otherwise known as ‘the harsher-sounding Slovenia’ – wouldn’t normally register on my radar. Un/fortunately, I picked them out in the work sweeps, meaning I have to egg them on to win the whole bloody tournament. This will not happen. Still, it might. (it won’t)

Tomorrow is the final two groups, and after that comes the point where I have to think of things to write again, rather than spunking out this nonsense. Though that does mean a lot of you are likely to start reading again, rather than thinking it’s a po-faced analysis of footballing futures and immediately dismissing it out of hand.

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2005: An Ian Odyssey

Something has become very apparent over the last few days. I have been analysing myself in some ways, thinking about the past, looking over old photos, rooting through my clothes and arsing about with my stuff and I have come to the conclusion that I stopped evolving as a person in 2005. Now, this isn’t to say things in my life are the same as they were – if that were the case I’d still be living in Leeds (in many ways I wish I was), I’d be either unemployed, doing some bizarre freelance for very little money or working at CEX, I’d be single, I’d still play PES over FIFA and I wouldn’t be as grey (or fat) as I am now.

No, things like that have indeed moved on. I abandoned Leeds in 2008, I got a job in 2009, I bought a rent-a-bride from Switzerland in 2008, I moved back to FIFA in 2008 and I got a lot fatter and greyer through 2005/06/07/08/09/10. That’s all inevitable. Change – that’s real change, and not the “real change” promised by a certain shitty political party – will happen.

But there are so many things about me that have stayed exactly where they were. My clothing options, for one, have remained pretty much exactly the same since 2005, to the point that right now I am wearing a shirt I purchased from Tesco for 50p in that fateful year and some shorts I picked up around Christmas the same time. I have my Xbox 360 switched on, which was delivered to me by a man from Woolworths on December 2, 2005. I still have the kind of facial hair I decided to grow (more accurately: “not shave”) from around that time. A Wilhelm Scream are still my ‘current’ favourite band.

This isn’t an exact science, there are discrepancies and inaccuracies in my claims, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel very much like I stopped at 2005. I ceased to develop, instead remaining the man I have become, stuck in a state of arrested development for what seems like perpetuity. Just with less Will Arnett.

On one hand this could be seen as a failure on my part, becoming stuck in my ways, failing to advance or grow as a person and being so shit I haven’t actually bought any new casual shirts since five years ago. On the other hand, though, it could just be that I achieved absolute perfection in 2005, so I have subconsciously decided there is no need for me to change any more. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which it is.

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