So the mental fatty the other day had some comedy game-rage, but frankly it doesn’t compare to my ridiculous, childish outbursts over the years. As I mentioned before, I still have these from time to time. Well, I say ‘from time to time’, I mean ‘every time I play a game’ which – let’s be honest – is quite often. It’s a big part of my job, after all. They have actually mellowed with age, as it was during my wonderful teenage years that I managed to go the most mental at games for cheating/breaking/being shit/making me lose.
Now it boils down to an exclamation of “oh for fu…” in a high-pitched, incredulous voice, and sometimes a petulant turn-off of the machine or TV. Sometimes possibly a pathetic-sounding rant as I am hunted down by ridiculously overpowered enemies on Borderlands. Oh, and most of FIFA will get some kind of reaction out of me, as only the good football games can get. Though, let’s be honest here, the latest couple of editions have lost some of the spunk of FIFA 09. Ah well.
But what about through the past? It’s a minor miracle that I’ve only managed to break one pad myself, and that was through a long-term campaign of abuse, rather than one particular bout of explosive game-rage. The same can’t be said for another pad, however, which my chum Chris decided to batter into submission when I beat him (again) at Pro Evo. Ah, not just me. But there have been other things, like smashing discs – it’s premeditated, which makes it even stupider – and during a particularly heated session of Wrestlemania 2K on the N64, there may well have been certain… biting… of the cartridge. Look, that game fucking cheated, alright? Though this doesn’t explain the bite-marks on most of my PSOne pads. Hmm. I’ve never been pushed to physical violence against anything living as a result of any of this fury, I should point out, and I never will be. Just in case you were thinking games make people murderers and all that.
These are the kind of things that people will laugh at me and judge me for, but I guarantee you – and this is backed up with mega-science – that if I find you a game that you like to play, and you play it enough, you will lose your temper with it. It always happens, to everyone. There is always a point where you will feel hard done by, where you think the game can’t possibly be working right or where you think the program has intentionally gone out of its way to screw you over. And at that point, you will become as nonsensical, rage-filled and utterly furious as I get. And I will be vindicated.