Right, last one now and a lot later than I intended to do it so it’ll probably be worse than the other three – and they were pretty bad. Ah well. Read on, reader.
Brazil: See, I don’t really care about Brazil in any World Cup – I just accept they’re great. I care even less right now that my brain is dominated by post-Sony conference E3 thoughts.
Ivory Coast: Like, when can I play Twisted Metal? What did Gabe’s half sentences about Steamworks mean? Is PS3 getting Steam? That would be amazing.
Portugal: It’s fun how E3 has managed to actually ignite some excitement from me for once – the last few years have been abject failures on that front. Twisted Metal! Kevin Butler is funny too. I reckon they’ll get a bit more use out of that character. He’s funny.
North Korea: Oh look – North Korea! I wonder if anyone there is even aware there’s a new Twisted Metal game coming out. I hope there is. If only a handful of secret North Korean nerds. Hard as that might be.
Spain: Wait, right, football. Errm… Spain are a team who are well good, like. I think they will do well in the football Word Cup, and that “Torres” will score some goals. I wish he still had a mullet though. Don’t know why, I just do.
Switzerland: Oh yes, THE SWISS. The monsters of the footballing world, known for their fury and sheer emotion on the pitch – as well as on the world stage. Filthy neutrals. They do have a chance to get out of this group, mind, as they’ve done well up to now.
Honduras: Another one of those teams you don’t really understand why they’re in the finals. Also I called them Costa Rica the other day, though that’s acceptable because I was thinking about Paulo Wanchope. And probably Twisted Metal.
Chile: What do Chile have going for them these days? I lost track of them in the early noughties, so I have no idea where they’re at right now. Probably shit. Oh well. Out in the group stage after the monsters of Switzerland beat them into a tearful submission.
Be fair now – it wasn’t as painful as you think it was. Maybe it made you laugh? Oh, screw you. I don’t give a shit if you laugh or not. You sick bastards. You suck.