Tag Archives: car wash

The idiocy of (my) youth

Someone, somewhere, just mentioned a car wash. This instantly conjured up wonderful memories for me; taking me back to a happier time where life was simple and – as I’m sure we all did – I actively looked forward to going through the car wash.

Now you can make all the complaints you want about kids these days and not going outside and knife crimeing each other and hoodies and how it’s their fault for the recession even though they’re 11 years old, but the fact of the matter is I had a lot of creature comforts in my childhood – I lived in the future, after all – and yet I still got a thrill out of going through the car wash.

Odd, how the mind works. It’s clear why it was that way – you were perfectly safe inside a comfortable, familiar environment (unless the car was owned by your kidnapper who had just nabbed you and decided to make the rapemobile sparkly clean) and you get to go through massive machinery that’s all like WHIRR and GRIND and BZZZZ and you’re all like YEAH and WOO and then your mum’s like SHUT UP and you go OKAY and then it’s over.

There were a few things I look back on now and feel it was bizarre I looked forward to them in any way. I mean, I looked forward to going into certain shops when we went out shopping, but I would never say I wanted to go in them, then I would get annoyed when we didn’t go in them. I still have a hangover of this condition to this day, simply assuming people will be able to read my mind then getting unreasonably irked when they don’t.

Idiot non-brain-readers.

Plus there was how I always wanted Iced Gems from the supermarket, even though every time my parents told me “you don’t like them” but then I convinced them I did like them and they were remembering it wrong and then I opened the bag, ate one and remembered I didn’t like them. Too chalky.

Fuck me, I was a weird kid. Still am.

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