Tag Archives: challenge

Things to do before the big three-oh

Much as you lovely ladies out there don’t want to accept it, I am in fact getting on in life. In three-and-a-half years I will be 30, and with it I will finally become a Full Adult. I will be able to grow a beard, avoid bubble gum, stop finding pictures of penises funny, cease to play video games and wear more leather jackets with tweed elbow pads.

Before my worthwhile time on this earth is up, however, I would like to accomplish some things. As such I have devised a list which I intend to complete every step of before I reach the astonishingly ancient age of 30. Read on, and hopefully help me out with what I think will be the biggest Challenge Ianeka we have ever seen:

1. Write something funny for radio/television/whatever wider audience there is.

2. Get myself out of debt, at least in part.

3. Eat enough beans for a random passer-by to exclaim “that’s a lot of beans!”

4.Through a bean-based diet, lose some weight.

5. Following bean-exclamation and subsequent bean-diet, get as buff as Buff Bagwell (the clue’s in his name, amazingly).

6. Give up all hope of writing for telly, instead opt to reform Sharkey and George, crime-busters of the sea. On stage.

7. See the Queen naked.

8. See Queen naked.

9. Play Mass Effect 2 45 times.

10. Re-write this list with more beans-based steps.

I genuinely hope you can find it in your hearts to help me out in my ceaseless endeavours. With your support and my strength of will, incredible character, astounding charm, fabulous good looks, rapist wit, mind-blowing sexiness, quite big height and life-changing haircut, we can make this list of tomorrow’s hope become a list of today’s success.


Filed under Prattle

Challenge Ianeka

I often think I should be challenged to do things. I’m not a competitive person by nature, and in fact I get a bit pissed off with people who are. Plus I’m not the type to give in to the whole notion of challenging yourself to something daft, or life-changing. Too lazy for that nonsense. Climb a mountain? Fuck off.

Which is why, inspired by one of the greatest TV shows of all time – Futurama – I’m putting it out there. Challenge me to something I both can and will do. I thought long and hard about it, I thought about the things I could be bothered to do, the things I could drag myself out of bed to do and the things that I really should do to make myself a better person. Then I just settled on drinking as much coffee as possible, because Fry did it and I aim to be like him at some point in my life*.

Unless one of my literally less than 50 readers comes up with a better challenge, that is. In which case I’ll just pretend to do that one instead.

Did I say “pretend to do”? I mean definitely do. Obviously. You have the power. Use it wisely.

(Cue rush of zero comments…)

*I realise I both already am like him and that he is a cartoon character. The point stands.


Filed under Prattle