Prompted by brief discussion earlier – well, I say ‘discussion’, I mean ‘thing I wanted to crowbar into a conversation because what I say is more important than what anybody else has to say’ – I’ve been thinking about times when I’ve actually been intimidated to talk to someone.
Beyond childhood/adolescence, I can honestly only think of two occasions. Both of the celebrity variety. Both in the last year. Actually, both on the same trip, now I think of it.
Normal people? Whatever. They’re people. If they had a gun I’d be intimidated. If they were made of biceps, sure. If they’re female, yeah, sure. But my point was intimidated by people I wanted to approach. Too terrified of girls to approach them, so the point is moot.
See, normally I don’t give a shit about celebrities. There are people I like, people I dislike, even people I respect. But I don’t care much for the celebrity thing, at least not to the point where I’m going to bother approaching someone for an autograph or photo.
There’s an element of nervousness, certainly, a bit of lacking self-confidence, naturally, and the need to be polite and not hassle someone. I am British, after all. But never intimidation.
Then I met former WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio. I have never before walked up to a man who seemed to leak such menace. Well-dressed, surrounded by entourage, massive, stony-faced, totally in character – I genuinely felt like a tiny child in front of him. Even though I’m probably taller than him.
He was really nice, of course. They all are.
Wrestlers, I mean. Not Mexicans.
Some Mexicans are pricks.
Anyway, on the same trip we were heading back from LA, waiting to board the plane. I look across the lounge, scanning the faces in the bored fashion I usually do when I see a grey-haired chap buried in a book near the front of the queue.
I carry on scanning the gormless chops of the morons surrounding.
Something draws me back to his face.
He looks up.
It’s only Henry fucking Rollins.
If my bowels were any weaker than they are, I likely would have shit myself with joy at that moment. But they’re strong. And, as it turns out, I was way, way too intimidated by the man to approach him and plant a massive kiss on his dick.
So yeah, there’s that. No idea why I was intimidated by this man: