Tag Archives: ea sports active 2

Back on the Fitness Bus (Of Fitness)

I’m not the kind of person easily influenced by the mere words of others, but… no, actually I am. As proven today, as I accidentally ended up listening to a few different voices around that have asked why I stopped exercising.

I mean, I actually forgot why I stopped – beyond the nine-week program finishing – so I genuinely didn’t know why. Regardless, I ended up accidentally letting these insidious little bastards get under my skin and have, indeed, returned to the world of running about in front of my TV that is EA Sports Active 2.

Yes, I’m back in advertorial territory*.

But I instantly remembered why I stopped before thanks to the miracle that is ‘skipping’ (read: jumping on the spot, sans skipping rope). See, my knackered ankle, which is knackered, is still knackered. And it doesn’t like being jumped on on a hard floor, even with nicely-cushioned running shoes.

Stupid ankle.

Still, might as well carry on. I’m below 200lbs now, so I’d actually be a light-heavyweight/cruiserweight in wrestling. Oh, by the way, I’m going to be a wrestler. Yeah, that’s a realistic thing to aim for.

That, or a space cowboy.

Or just someone who’s happy.

I think we all know which is the most unrealistic of those aims. LOL EMO FAG LOL.

*It’s not an advertorial. I wouldn’t point that out, but I think it’s not that crazy to think it might be exactly what I’m doing. I’m not.

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Losing pounds NOT MONEY HA HA HA

I don’t think I’ve done any kind of update on this and I’m looking for something quick to write, so here you go. I started this healthy eating and doing some exercise (using EA Sports Active 2, as kindly donated by our sponsor… errm… friends… errm… fellow professionals at EA) on February 8 and, as of today, I still haven’t missed a single workout on it. It is still knackering me pretty much every time, but that’s probably because I’m the least fit person alive. Still.

Anyway, I weighed myself at the start, the week after that and the week after that. In total – though the original scales were different to the two I’ve used in a row – I have lost seven British pounds. This is half a stone, or about three kilos. As I am already big and guttish, I do not look different at all. As I am still massively unfit and incapable of anything approaching being sporty, I do not feel very different at all.

So I’m still waiting on that shit people say ‘changes your life’ or the point you get ‘addicted to exercise’. I’m still making myself do it, rather than doing it as a matter of course. But I suppose it is only a couple of weeks in. And to be honest, seeing a number get smaller every week is fun enough, I suppose. Golf scores FTW.

Or: I’ll just not bother any more as of Monday, and take to eating 42 buckets of KFC. MMM KFC.


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Operation Get Not Fat: Initiated

It would seem I have found a way to supplant the mind-numbing emptiness I feel to the very depths of my soul* – exercise! See, a few months ago we decided on my magazine that I would take on the challenge of giving EA Sports Active 2 the GREATEST REVIEW OF ALL TIME, by playing it constantly for months and updating readers on how things were going.

In case you’re unaware/can’t figure it out, Active is a fitness program for gaming consoles. It has motion detectors, heart beat monitors and all that shit, as well as virtual fitness instructors to bellow at you. It’s expensive, but it didn’t cost me a penny so what the fuck do I care? Ahem.

Anyway, things didn’t get off to the best of starts, to the point that now – two and a bit months into the experiment – I was still writing the column as ‘month one’ owing to the fact I hadn’t taken the game out of its box. Now I have. And I did a 27-minute introductory workout on medium, the first of a nine-week program to help me be less fat, or something.

Turns out, as luck would have it, I’m really unfit and any regulated exercise that’s meant to actually get your heart going and make you sweat fucks me up something rotten. About 15 minutes in I could barely do its stupid little bunny hops it was demanding I do. The bastard. Plus the banging and bumping in my room from me jumping and running on the spot and the like must have made my housemates think I was shagging a rhino. I wasn’t – she dumped me, remember? BA DUM TISH.

Oh come on, that was quite funny. No? Too soon? IT’S MY WAY OF DEALING WITH IT. Not accepting that as a valid excuse? Hmm. Drat.

Anywho, this made me realise that not only am I massively unfit and probably going to die aged 30 from a coronary megaheartblast, but that I can distract my brain from its recent stupidity by running on the spot in my room for a bit. Oh, and getting to the point where I’m so sweaty my skin is literally slick.

Just thought I’d give you that thought before bedtime. Enjoy your dreams!

*”Need for a poo”


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