I think it’s about time that I have a ritual cleansing of all the shit I have. And by that I don’t mean I’m actually going to clean my flat for once. That shit would be nonsensical, yo. Nor do I mean ‘I have no money so I need to sell another 25% of the stuff I own’, though that is actually true and is part of the reason for this… well, not decision, but this ‘thinking’.
I have a lot of shit I do not use, I do not really have any need for and that I do not actually want, but I keep it all around. Hoarding is the phrase, I suppose, though that conjures up images of those horrible semi-people off those shows about disgusting houses. I’m not that bad. I do have a lot of shit though.
But there’s so much of it I honestly don’t want to get rid of, even though I rarely if ever use it. The couple of hundred DVDs? I might want to watch one one day – it does happen. Same with the games I haven’t even looked at in a year. The unworn clothes? There might come a time when I need a thermal undershirt, or a pair of shorts that still have the tags on them even though I bought them in 2006.
Christ, I’ve even kept hold of the boxes for things like my phone, iPad and 3DS. Though that’s probably more the CEX conditioning kicking in – they’re worth more with boxes, after all.
I do think I need to blitz it though. Rid of the DVDs. Rid of the games. Rid of the books. Rid of the clothes. Rid of the miscellaneous I can’t think of.
Obviously I want to sell it all. I’m not completely mad. Money would be nice, too.
I love eBay – enough to write it in the stupid form they insist it’s written in. I love it like I the electronic, internet-based child I’ve never had (also this child carries out online auctions, I forgot to mention). It’s great for so many things – and one of them is for studying how twatty, idiotic and altogether rubbish people are.
As a result of picking up a few Amazon vouchers recently, I wondered if there was a market for them on the auction site. Obviously, seeing as they’re not human organs, prostitutes, drugs or anything else deemed illegal by the eBay overlords, there is.
Now Amazon vouchers are just that: vouchers. You get a voucher for £30, it’s worth £30. £50? It’s worth £50. Now this bit’s where it gets complex – £100 vouchers are worth one hundred pounds. Still with me? Okay then, let’s continue.
So why on earth are all of the current Amazon vouchers for sale, bar one or two, going for more than their face value? Someone is honestly offering to buy something worth £100 – and it is worth £100 – for more than one hundred pounds (remember how much I said they were worth? Just checking). Granted, this is pence over the hundred mark, and I haven’t seen anyone offering £5,000 for a £2 voucher, but… it’s just fucking stupid. It makes no sense. I don’t see why people would do it.
Yes, this has genuinely annoyed me. I’ve looked on Amazon and it doesn’t look like they charge any kind of premium for gift vouchers. It’s £100 for £100. I do not understand these idiots.
Anyway, back to being a curmudgeon. Oh wait – I never stopped.
I would like to put to you a potentially world-changing chain of events that was set in motion by me, myself and I around eight and a half years ago. Let’s begin at the beginning:
It is the 8th of September, 2001, and I have decided I want to get myself a Sega Dreamcast. Unfortunately, they are still quite expensive in many places, even though they are dying a death at retail. My brother points me in the direction of a natty little “on” “line” service called ‘eBay’ (little E, big B) and tells me all manner of worldly goods can be bought for varying amounts of cash.
I join this site, enter my details and search voraciously for that which my heart desires. I am heading to university in a week or so, and want to go there with a fresh new console (though it would be second hand, natch) to sit alongside my PS2. It would make me a king amongst men. That, or a king amongst me. Either way, I could play Shenmue and NFL 2K1 on it. The searching continues, the prices are high, some are low but don’t stay that way – but soon enough it strikes: I hit the jackpot. I am soon enough the proud owner of a Dreamcast with a bundle of games and all the gubbins, and it set me back a little over £30. It is what we call a ‘bargain’.
Not two days later, a large package arrives in the post. It is, of course, the Sega Dreamcast in all its glory. I hook it up, I play a little, I get engrossed in the convincing, lifelike and utterly charming world of Shenmue (this is before I learned how boring it became as it forced you to work a fucking job every day), I laugh at how bad Jedi Power Battles is and I generally ignore Ferrari Challenge. Still: I have myself a bargain, and I have myself an extra console to take all the way to Preston with me.
The next day: September 11. Coincidence? I think not.
Thanks for listening.