Tag Archives: europe

Being somewhere doesn’t make you FROM somewhere. Learn from this, internet things

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it already, but I’m in another country. While this country doesn’t belong to the EU, it does sit in the middle of the continent known as Europe (as well as being involved in the European trade something, or something. I forget). Basically, it’s Foreignia. Not England. Full of people who use languages I don’t understand.

But being here for a couple of weeks doesn’t mean I’m going to be here forever. It doesn’t mean I speak these stupid languages (STUPID), it doesn’t mean I live here, it doesn’t mean I’m never going home. In fact, I know exactly when I’m going home, I’m slightly better at speaking English after being here for just a few days and I absolutely am not giving up my British passport – it has a unicorn on the front, for fuck’s sake.

The reason I mention this isn’t because my friends or family are worried I’m abandoning The Queen’s own land. No, the reason I feel the need to mention it is because – apparently – all companies in the world seem to think I’m in Switzerland forever and I am never coming back. According to Google, I automatically want all of my results in German, even after I change the language settings for the thirtieth time (I’m too lazy to actually type .co.uk in the address bar). That’s quite annoying, but I can live with it, mainly by engaging in the solution buffered by parenthesis in the last sentence.

But the other things are genuinely annoying. Steam, the wallet-rapist, is midway through its Christmas sale, offering games I want (but will never play) at stupidly low prices. Now let’s ignore the fact that it tries to charge me in euros, which actually make the prices a quid or two more than God’s British Pounds. No, what annoys me here is I’m apparently just not allowed to buy things thanks to being in another country. Makes… sense?

The one that really annoyed and confused me, though, was O2. I have been looking a fair bit recently at upgrading my phone, as my contract is up soon – I’ve mentioned it about 89 times before. As such, I went to the site this evening and tried to look through the shop to see what’s on offer. “You’re not in the UK, so piss off” was the basic response. Unperturbed, I entered my login details and went through the upgrade button to get my upgrade code so I could browse the mega-super-personalised options (that definitely aren’t the same as everyone else’s). Seems even being logged in with the system knowing you are a UK resident holding an existing contract (with the company you’re currently using the site of) means a complete bag of shit-faced nothings in the eyes of O2.

In the grand scheme, it means very little. But right now, it’s bloody annoying.

1 Comment

Filed under Prattle

Perfect record: not ruined. NOT RUINED

As I am quite literally perfect in every way, it came as something of a surprise that I had actually made a mistake in my preparations for coming to the continent. What must have been going through my head when I realised I had actually made a mistake – on Christmas Day of all days! – is beyond me. Well, it’s not, because it’s my brain so I know damn well what was going through it.

Anyway, on coming to this land of Swissers, I decided it would be a good idea to bring with me a plug convertor in order to be able to plug in my electrical equipment and charge it up so it doesn’t run out of battery. Like this Tiny Laptop is going to in about 40 minutes. Would you believe it, but when I went and got the convertor out of my bag, it turned out to be an American one. THE HILARITY.

Obviously as I’m such a jet-setting, go-getting motherfucker of the highest order it hadn’t occurred to me that I might have been picking the wrong one up. What this means is that I actually didn’t make a mistake in any way – it was just a matter of course, or even an inevitability. It was not a mistake on my part, and therefore it means I am still absolutely perfect in every conceivable way.

And you thought you’d get an entry about Christmas today. Hah, losers. It’s 3.30am here, I’m not about to entertain or amuse you with reasonably well thought-out entries here. Perish the thought.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prattle