So having been here for less than 24 hours (in fact, at the time of writing this thrilling introduction it’s actually 6.43am GMT (7.43am SHT (StockHolmTime)) and I’ve been here a matter of hours. Thanks to the miracle of technology, though, this will be on your internets going straight into your brain IN THE FUTURE) I think it’s safe to review this so-called ‘Slice of Scandinavian Heaven’. Nobody I know has ever called it that except for me just then, but so long as someone has used that name it’s fine to say “so-called”, in my book.
Ignoring the Let the Right One In-style ugly tower blocks on the way in to the city, this is one lovely looking place. Or so I’ve been told. I’ve seen most of it flying past the window in cars and planes, and frankly that’s no way to take it all in. We did wander to a local corner shop though and I paid 40SEK for a hot dog and a brownie. I think that’s about £4,000 Human Money. Still, they’ve certainly got buildings around here, and it’s well quiet.
And the people? Bloody lovely. Well, again, from what I can tell. Having dealt mostly with PRs (who aren’t Swedish) and hotel staff (who are paid to be nice to you) I’d say this was possibly a skewed representation of the populace as a whole, but then I do have a hangover and I don’t want to write off an entire nation solely based on the fact that I haven’t met them all. Well done Sweden, you’re doing well so far!
As for the climate; well, it’s good to go to a country for once that promises snow and dutifully delivers. Yes, Switzerland, you other alleged neutral, I’m looking at you. Hang on – quick Wiki check – yes, they were just as “neutral” as the Swiss in dubya dubya two. Anna, sort it out. Where was I? Ah, weather. It’s well snowy, la, and it’s hilarious how easily these vikings take it in their stride. In fact, our taxi driver yesterday was telling me how she hates any other weather. Imagine that: a world where society itself doesn’t immediately crumble at the merest hint of anything more than a light breeze. A man can dream… a man can dream.
As for the hookers – delicious! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAohhh I have a headache.
Anyway, in summation: Sweden is one for fans only/redefines the genre/is the best country ever made/avoid like the plague/average. 7/10.
POSTSCRIPT: If all Swedish showers are like this one, I suggest you move to Sweden. It’s like your own little slice of heaven. If heaven involves water cascading onto your face at an alarming rate while you cleanse yourself.
POST-POSTSCRIPT: The selection of eggs these people have is marvellous. Simply astonishing. Fried, scrambled, poached – even boiled! What a crazy place this land of the Volvo is.