Tag Archives: finished

(Metaphorical) weight off my chest: relieves no (metaphorical) pressure

For the first time in just over a month I do not have any looming spectre of extra work looking over my shoulder, nudging me that I should be paying attention to it instead of looking at funny pictures of hairnets. I’ve actually done all of the huge amounts of freelance I took on.

Don’t get me wrong, there will be more to come in future I’m sure – unless I’ve spectacularly nadgered up somewhere – but right now, the here and now, I am done.

But I don’t feel like a weight has been lifted. I don’t feel glad that I don’t have to spend my time outside of work doing more work. It’s quite odd. In fact, it might be my brain demanding I get more ‘lance in to sate its desires for more future-money (which will instantly disappear on unquantifiable nonsense, like ‘bills’ and ‘interest’ I HAVE NO INTEREST IN INTEREST).

Maybe my brain has taken to freelance like a Mancunian to heroin, or a Scouser to car theft. Maybe it needs that buzz. I know I thrive on deadlines and tend to turn into a useless hunk of meat when there’s no pressure on me, but I didn’t realise I could get addicted to paid homework.

Apparently I can, though. I wonder what the equivalent of methadone is for this kind of situation. Blogging every day, probably. OHNOWAIT.

Maybe it’s nothing to do with work and I’m just massively depressed* because I’m not happy with any element of my life right now, and things I thought were out of my head actually aren’t out of my head at all and are actually really bothering – and saddening – me quite a lot.

That, or I’m just a bit tired and hungry. I’ll have a jam sandwich, see what that does for the ol’ mood.

* “Slightly miffed”, in a less hyperboleic sense.

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365/365 – but I’m not done quite yet

I genuinely, legitimately, legitenuinely expected to fail this whole business within a couple of weeks – no way would I be able to last a month, doing a blog every day. Well, as with many things I predict, I turned out to be wrong. This is the 365th entry to this blog over the last 365 days. I have messed up a few times, though I only actually forgot to update once, so this isn’t a perfect, clean run – but I’ve only gone done it. The fact I’m continuing beyond this point is just a bonus – though the charity aspect means I probably have to continue or I’ll definitely get cancer, or something.

Anyway, rather than just looking at some of my favourite posts (which I can’t remember), I’m going to let you all in on some vital statistics that always* make me laugh** as well as the search terms that really are… ‘interesting’. GO:

365 entries, 2091 tags, 570 comments (720 spam comments deleted/DISSENT SILENCED***) and two categories – one of which was never used. But that’s the boring stuff. I know you all want the juicy gossip and the stuff you can compare yourself or another site to, so let’s delve into some more numbers – traffic figures (prepare to be blown away):

18,268 views in the year, averaging out at about 50 a day. The most popular day, when this was posted, attracted 195 people. The most popular post with 412 direct visits is this one, proving once more that it’s lists that make the world go around****. So yeah, it’s not like I’m breaking any records by doing this. I’m just waiting for the day an entry goes viral and I get the spike of 80,000,000 visits I clearly deserve.

Now onto the more… open… stuff. The most clicked link on this blog, with the exception of the blog links on the right side of the page, was this one. Granted, only 40 people clicked it, but that’s 40 more people educated in the ways of Tyldesley being shit. As for search terms? Well, ‘worst comedians’ tops the list with 141 hits. But this is where it gets interesting…

Second place goes to ‘Ian Chaddock’, with 60 hits. Amazing. Then we get things like ‘I hate Clive Tyldesley/Peter Drury’ and variations on the theme making up – in total – probably more than the top-ranking search does (I can’t be bothered with the maths). ‘Working at CEX’ seems to have been a popular search in recent times, as does ‘Kim Jong Il window’, for obvious reasons. But then there’s ‘men who are feeders’,  ‘Gran Turismo 5 is poo’, ‘I met Bret Hart’, ‘gender prattle’, ‘Paul Merson wife’, ‘hwo to enter the coke to vigen’, ‘cern bastards’, ‘I know I’m like Hulk’, ‘wakka wakka meaning football’ and, with three hits (I wish I was joking) ‘www.ilovechildporn.com’.

I love people. They’re brilliantly insane. Anyway, well done me, well done those others who have done it or who are about to do it, and good luck to the rest of you even though loads of people will drop out (I’m allowed to be arrogant, I’ve done the first year).

But always remember: http://www.ilovechildporn.com.

*Not always

**Not necessarily laugh

***Only joking. About the dissent bit, I mean. There really was spam, hard as it is to believe

****Also: worthless prattle

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