Tag Archives: funny

I’m watching Arrested Development again. Why aren’t you?

It’s been that time again in recent days – re-start Arrested Development again and watch it all. Again. Again. Again. Again. Etc. It’s the kind of thing where I should check this blog to see how many times I’ve talked about watching this show again (again again again) from the start. But then, I can’t really be bothered.

Anyway, up to the final disc of the whole show and it’s still brilliant. I’ve watched every episode dozens of times each and it’s still brilliant. “LOOK AT BANNER MICHAEL!” still makes me laugh like an absolute idiot. “MONSTER!” “Buster!” “BONSTER!” still makes me laugh even more than that.

In fact, just about everything about it still makes me laugh more than anything else ever. It’s a joke on a joke on a joke on a joke, with an added callback for good measure. No, it’s not perfect and yes, too many idiots like it (ah, arrogance), but it’s quite possibly my favourite of the funny things ever made.

There’s always money in the banana stand, after all.

Oh, and Gob trying to say ‘circumvent’ is one of my favourite things ever. “Sheershumvrent”.

So much about it. You should watch it if you haven’t, and if you had you should probably just go watch it again. Now. DO IT.

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Funny or die

I have odd personality quirks. This may not come as a surprise if you are human, seeing as we all have odd personality quirks. Apart from the terminal dullards out there who should probably just kill themselves and give us people with something going on in our heads a bit more room to be ‘unique’ (‘unique’ often translates as ‘twatty’).

Alright, maybe not kill themselves, that’s a bit far. Just chop a hand off or something, then at least you’ve got an interesting story to tell people. Get a hook too. Double-story. Thank me later.

Anyway, one thing about my personality, beyond the shocking lack of confidence, the oft-unbridled aggression based on the smallest of provocation, the inability to take most things seriously and the massive ability to get repeatedly dumped for no good god damn reason is that I think I am funny. I do. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I know I’m funny. But that’s not actually the thing – the thing is as follows: if you do not laugh at what I say, I am very likely to out and out dislike you.

I don’t mean you have to laugh at every word, or even 23% of my japist wit. A snigger or a smirk lets you off the hook. I notice. I remember. And if you sit there stony faced I simply do not like you. Why? I don’t actually know, but I’m willing to bet it’s because it makes you come across as either humourless (meaning you actually might as well be dead) or too thick to get what I’m on about (see previous parenthesis for solution to this problem).

Yes, I’m actually being mildly arrogant here. Let me run with it for once. I’m aware it’s a bit weird, but there you go. Weirdness is interesting, so fuck you you judgemental twerps.

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ValenWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH etc.

Fortunately I never put much stock in Valentine’s Day, so right now I can’t say it’s having any real effect on me. And I would hope things would stay that way the rest of my life, as I think it is a silly day.

Still, I would not begrudge someone their opportunity to spoil a partner in whatever way they see fit, from cheesy/uninspired gifts through genuinely heartwarming gestures and onto those little piss-take presents that try to say “I do this as I laugh in the face of this capitalist-invented faux-holiday made to sucker us all into spending more money than we really should be doing,” but what actually say “ahwuvsoo”.

Pansies.

Anyway, I spent most of today at work playing Dragon Age 2, which has romance in it, so I’ve had my fill for the day. Admittedly most of the romance came from visiting the brothel, as I couldn’t be bothered continuing down the path of chatting up my (male) elf accomplice.

Note to those who have no idea what I’m talking about: shut up.

It’s been demanded from high above that I am to start being ‘funny’ again, as apparently I’ve stopped being ‘funny’. So here we go: how many Jews does it take to… no, wait.. umm…

How many blacks… ah… no. Hmm.

What’s the difference between a lemon and a melon? The way you spell it.

YEAH – THE COMEDY STYLINGS OF IAN DRANSFIELD CAN NEVER TRULY DIE.

(Fat) Ronaldo retired today, which saddened me slightly. I loved the World Cup where he broke the scoring record, as by that point he’d already been written off as fat and past it. So instead of being fat and past it he had a solid tournament and scored some great goals. Because true skill means you can be great and fat at the same time.

Meaning there’s still hope for me.

Disjointed entry has now ended.

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*parp*

I’m a person who likes witty, intelligent humour. I like to be made to laugh before having that moment of realisation kick in – the part where you feel you’re in on the joke and a member of an exclusive HUMOUR CLUB. Or the times where you predict the joke before it comes, but the comedian/actor/film/book/whatever doesn’t patronise you into completing the joke, so you know you’re clever enough to, again, be part of the gang.

I like all of that shit, true. And I am quite arrogant about the comedy I like. But at the same time I find the lowest level, stupidest crap incredibly funny. One thing in particular stands out as being consistently one of the things that has made me laugh throughout my entire life. I am talking, of course, about trumping, poo, farting, shitting, gassing, dropping the kids off at the pool, pumping, dumping, pooting and dropping a floater.

I won’t embarrass you all with great details as to why farts are funny or what farts in particular have made me laugh over the years – though an answerphone message does spring to mind as being particularly hilarious. But I will wonder aloud: do the people even more comedy-arrogant than I realise they are being lying dickheads when they claim pump-based humour to be unfunny? Has the Queen ever made a joke about an arse-rippler? And – most importantly of all – did cavemen find poots funny?

Don’t let it be said I don’t hit you with important, necessary subjects here on this blog. You’ll miss me when I’m gone.

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Here comes a new (webcomic) challenger

*I’ve just realised I’ve made this 3,046 times better by just putting my face on it. GU Comics, you are shit.*

I tend to get my weekly fix of webcomics from Kotaku (it’s a gaming site and they’re gaming comics, fact fans). The problem is, I shouldn’t do this. Because they’re invariably shit. Seriously – look at this week’s post and find something on it that genuinely makes you laugh. And I mean this coming from someone who does get all (most) of the references to gaming and pop culture in them. The simple fact of the matter is they’re just not very good. At all. Yet they get audiences of millions per week, solely because they’re included on the Kotaku post.

I know there are good webcomics around – I read XKCD whenever it’s updated (Monday’s isn’t so good, but check through the archives for some genuinely hilarious posts) and every now and them am randomly linked by someone to something that is… y’know… good. With this in mind I have come to two conclusions… three conclusions: one, people need to tell me more good webcomics to read. Good ones, not shit ones with obvious references, smug, self-satisfied writers and a genuinely unfunny end product. Two, it must be really hard to be funny if only about five per cent of the offerings out there are actually smirk-worthy. And three, I should get in on this stuff, as I am funny.

With number three in mind, say hello to my new webcomic series. It is as yet untitled and probably won’t continue beyond this single entry. But that’s irrelevant, because it’s 300 times the comic PvPOnline is and (approximately) eighty-two billion that of GU Comics (which is legally worse than the holocaust, cancer and a burning orphanage put together into one big mush of badtitude). Enjoy!

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