Alright, my mind is changed. Well, not changed. That other thing. Made up? No, it was made up before. My mind is… decided upon the same thing it was decided upon before? Yeah, that sounds about right, though it doesn’t exactly slip off the tongue. “But what is it that your mind is decided upon that is the same as what it had decided upon before, Ian?” I hear you scream like the irritants you all are – I will answer.
It is, of course, climate change. See, I can safely say I was dead against it. Just like killing dogs, deforestation, being impolite, littering, war, cot death, cancer and lots of other things, I am dead against climate change. I think it’s a shit, and I think we all need to use hemp-powered gyrocopters or something in order to try and at least slow this planet’s inevitable decline that it is so clearly on a path to right now.
I cared about this and I still do care about this, but an article I’ve just read means I’m going to have to double my efforts. We will lose a lot if we continue in the way we are currently going – polar bears, trees, a fucking inhabitable planet – lots of things. But worst of all, we might lose our ability to produce as much speciality coffee, thus making said speciality coffee more expensive than it already is.
There are some things I can put up with, even pretend to accept. I have allowed injustices to go on under my nose through apathy, exhaustion or even cowardice. But this? This I will not stand for. You may take our polar bears, but you cannot take our affordable coffee from rural South American regions.
The fightback begins today. Join me in my quest to single-handedly eliminate climate change, and we can have a coffee to celebrate when we’re done. Hopefully.
[Here’s the story I was on about, if you care]