Not only did that stupid, shitty stag do make me miss doing yesterday’s blog – it also meant I missed out on the one thing important to me most in the world: the Eurovision Song Contest.
Well, it’s not the most important thing, and I haven’t actually watched Eurovision since some years ago – the time before Wogan’s final appearance, I think. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve watched it some times and even once had a party in which the watching of the contest was the main point of being present (note: not very popular). So I think I am qualified to feel let down in myself for having not watched it each time I don’t watch it. Or something.
Actually, it could just be said that I haven’t watched it since Graham Norton took over, as frankly I really don’t think he could do as good a job as old Terry and his ‘pissed-up nutter’ style of commentating. Every time you heard him laugh at a foreigner, you knew it was a laugh with real warmth behind it. Sad days to see him go. Yes, I am years behind the curve here. And with most other things.
But what would an aimless ramble about Eurovision be without a link or two to the best entries (or near-entries) I can think of? It would be absolutely nothing, that’s what. So here are some:
Unfortunately it never made it to the finals, but DJ Bobo’s entry for the Swiss made me love the country before I was even forced into doing so by inheriting a girlfriend from the place – “I sleep in the darkness, hence my grave”. GENIUS.
Lithuania’s brazen attack on the very ideals of what a Eurovision song should be still lives with me to this day. It’s not as funny as it was first time around, but I still have warm feelings for the cheeky scamps. What helps this clip is it retains some classic Wogan in the opening – you are missed, my man.
Then, of course, there’s the point where Ukraine showed the world it has more to offer than just Andriy Shevchenko/showed the world it had gone insane.
We need a British entry, so why not the foursome of half-melted waxworks collectively known as Scooch? (Note from 1:50, where it becomes seedy and weird)
But the list couldn’t be complete without the time where Finland decided to immediately win the contest. All entries pre and past, except for Abba, became null, void, cast-offs and shit.
Well done, world (“Europe”).