Tag Archives: HAM

Causality

I feel causes have caused me to stop caring as much. Alright, I still give a shit about things, but there’s just so much being thrown at you all the time it’s hard to care enough. And that’s not great.

It’s not just causes and things to get angry about, either. There’s Twitter with its constant “please RT missing person” things that I just see, barely register and move on to the next inane comedic photo to instead re-tweet to the world.

Well, my followers. Who aren’t my world. YOU ARE NOT.

The thousand and five emails a day I get from 38 Degrees or Avaaz that get glanced at and deleted. The billion causes popping up on social media every single day that get glanced at and ignored. The horribleness that they want to highlight – for good reasons, no doubt – that I just don’t want to trouble myself with.

And that’s the problem. It isn’t that I don’t care – though 38 Degrees seem to be working apace to make everyone in the world stop caring by sheer weight of emailing – it’s just that I have the choice as to whether or not I invest my time and attention in these things.

In a toss-up between aimlessly browsing funny and cute pictures/videos on Reddit for an hour or reading up on how another multinational corporation is in cahoots with the Tories to literally destroy a third-world nation (and by the way my friend’s gone missing), I’m going to go with the video of someone dropping ham on a cat’s face.

I feel like I should be sorry about this, but I’m not. I know I care. I know things matter. But it’s constant – it’s all the time. And that makes me retreat; makes me more selfish. It almost makes me stop caring.

Please RT to raise awareness.

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Another new console announced: this one better than Wii U

Having just watched the announcement of the Wii U, I have decided clearly anybody can design a console. As such, here is a console I have designed. It will play awesome games to the max. Here is is:

It is called the FunTastrophe 9000. It is modelled on a honey roast ham (with a face) and is actually made from honey roast ham (with a face drawn on it). This is so when hungry from playing games you can snack on it, and when you’ve finished it or it goes off you will have to buy another one, thus making the machine highly profitable.

The face is so it appeals to children, as children like happy ham. As far as I’m aware. I never liked sad ham as a child.

We all like portability, so the FunTastrophe 9000 will have wheels on it. This means you can roll it down small hills and off sweet jumps. You can even make it do sweet stunts if you want! And who doesn’t want to jump their ham? Only a moron.

The exhausts are so fumes can be channelled out somewhere, and as a result I’m thinking it’ll definitely be environmentally friendly. I love the environment, me.

Every console needs peripheral-things, so the FunTastrophe 9000 comes with a claw and a pincer/two-pronged trident (bident?) in case you need to pick up small cuddly toys or hunt mermaids. Or mermen – I am not a sexist.

Also it has free grass on top of it.

Basically, it’s the best thing in the world, ever.

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