I’ve reduced myself to a level I never though possible – I am, right now, as I write this, taking part in the complete wankerism that is ‘sitting in Starbucks and writing on your computer as if you have anything important to say or do in your life’. As we all know, I have nothing important to say, and I certainly don’t have anything important to do in my life. Ho hum.
Fortunately, I am keeping the twat genes at bay as well as I can. For one, I look like I do. It’s hard to be seen as any kind of hipster, wannabe twat when you look like someone haphazardly shaved an ewok and kicked it backwards through a TK Maxx. As such, the judgements people rest on my shoulders are less likely to be ‘hipster twat’ and more along the lines of ‘twat twat’. Honestly, I think that’s fair.
Second, I am not using a twat calling card in the shape of a Mac. Yes, I am aware I should get over this nonsense and accept things like Ash says – it’s manufactured loyalty drummed up by bullshit marketing. Alright, maybe he said it differently to that. I’m not checking. But not having a Mac in a Starbucks and not looking like a hipster twat must make me look out of the ordinary in this setting.
In fact, I’ve just realised what I am: THE GREATEST PERSON IN STARBUCKS.
Either that or the caffeine is having a stronger effect on me than I thought it would. SHEESH.