Tag Archives: ill

License to ill

It may seem odd I am doing this blog so early today, but I am off work with my body rebelling against me and I do not want to have not done the blog later and I do want to be able to sit on the settee all day feeling sorry for myself and watching Star Wars.

So there’s that.

I was, for a long time, one of those people who eschewed the use of pills and potions to make oneself feel better. I opted instead to tough it out and live through the illness, thus becoming a better person on the other side. A lot like Bruce Lee, in many ways, is what I’m saying.

Also like that Adam & Joe sketch I can’t be arsed finding.

But then I had an epiphany, and that epiphany was shaped like some painkillers, or maybe those Lemsip tablets (but not Lemsip itself as that stuff is foul), and I took some, and it made things feel less bad, and then I went back to bed.

Which is what I’m doing now.

Pray for Mojo.

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I’m aware how rubbish it is of me to post yesterday on my slipping standards and then do this, but I feel quite rough and head coldy today and I’ve just finished a bunch of work. I don’t want to write anymore right now. Sorry.

Which is why, instead, I’m going to leave you with one of the best bits from any film ever. No, I’m not kidding.

Hopefully I’ll feel less shitty tomorrow so I can bore you all some more. For now I will go tissue walrus (thanks, Futurama) and try to sleep some.

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My head feels like it’s been hit with an anvil

This is yesterday’s. Got in late, ill, so didn’t do it then.

I am strangely careful to the point of being a bit of a weirdo (THERE’S THAT WORD AGAIN) when it comes to illness. As we all know, coughs and sneezes spread diseases – but they don’t. It’s touching infected surfaces then putting your hands on your eyes, nose or mouth that actually spreads diseases.

If only there was a rhyme for that.

As such, I try my damndest during cold seasons to avoid putting my hand in my mouth and sucking on it for four hours after I’ve just been rubbing a door handle as used by 230 gravely ill people. Also I use soap to wash my hands. It works pretty well, to the point that I am not ill very often. The opening, emboldened, line being as it is though, you know where I’m going with this.

It may have been something else. It may have been building. It may have been an allergic reaction to New York, or being cooped up in a room with 150 fat, sweaty American games journalists for three days. It may have been any number of things. But I can’t help but think it was that damn karaoke – sharing the microphone with other people, inhaling their diseeeeease and becoming this walking piece of shit I am right now.

As such, I am going to become like Mr Burns, inventing the Spruce Goose and blah de blah. You get the point. I’m finding it hard to concentrate right now.


Filed under Prattle