Tag Archives: independent

My political career starts… NOW

I’ve decided I dislike Conor Burns, my local Tory MP, because his newsletters annoy me. And he looks like a potato. And he comes across as a total spineless yes man with all the credibility of a discredited whelk. And (back to the newsletter) he has things like this under the ‘what Conor has done since the last update’ part:

“Met with Neil Vaughn and PhD supervisor Dr Venky Dubey to discuss the importance of supporting scientific research.”

Seriously. Absolute twattism of the highest order, as if it’s impressive that he supports the fact that one of the most important things in the entire history of humanity is important. Absolute thundercunt. Meaning I’ve decided I’m going to run to be a local MP – I just need something like £500 and 100 signatures, so yeah, get on that. Someone give me £500 and 100 of you sign the thing I haven’t written yet.

Anyway, here’s some of the main points I will campaign on:

Science is shit
I have to take a stand against my opponent, even if that means contriving reasons to do so. As such I have to go against what I actually think – getting straight into the politician spirit – and saying science is actually a pile of anus. Take that, Burns.

Closer ties with North Korea
I don’t mean on a national level, I just mean in Bournemouth West. I would suggest we could send all the idiots with stupid accents from around here over there to… I don’t know… build shit. And they could send us some of Kim Jong Il’s DVD collection, so I’d have some more films to watch. Makes sense. Also: make Bournemouth a nuclear power, with my finger on the trigger.

More schools and money and shit for everyone, apart from rich people
Rich people only don’t get stuff because I hate them, not because they already have money. And I think everyone needs money and school and shit, so they should all get it. We’ll get Kimmy boy to send over some cash to fun it. Or sell a few nukes.

Free dogs for the well behaved
In order to convince you all dogs are better than people.

Free women for me
Self-explanatory, really.

Vote for Ian!

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Stupid, stupid people

The death of Raoul Moat blah blah, etc. It has brought out the absolute worst comment from someone I have ever read. Now this may be taken out of context, it may have been a joke, an aside, not indicative of the actual meaning of what was being said (“irony”, you could call it). What am I talking about? Why, the comments of one Theresa Bystram, mother of three and lady who attended Moat’s funeral wearing a Chelsea FC shirt. These comments:

“I absolutely loved him. I just think he is a hero and I wanted to pay my respects. He kept them coppers on the run all that time. Fair enough people died but they must have deserved it.”

I feel it’s only fair to point out here, as in this story where I got the quote from, that she didn’t know the dead bouncer in question. She just travelled halfway across the country to attend his funeral and spout off to the media about how he’s a hero. The same media who are 99 per cent to blame for the fact that idiots like this think this dead prat are heroes.

I do like the logic on show here – some people died, therefore they must have deserved it. if that’s not the logic of a TV-watcher then I don’t know what is. Though surely she understands the contradiction that could be inferred if you were to point out that Moat died, and therefore surely – by her logic – must have deserved it? Just sayin’.

Here’s one thing I find interesting: we live in a world where a man is fined real money for making a (poor) joke about blowing up an airport. Yet we live in a world where some fat moron can say another fat moron was right to hate cops, to kill one person and hurt a couple of others and it’s just ignored. That’s at least a £20 fine, surely?


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