Tag Archives: insults


I often want to insult people in ways beyond just calling them a ‘fucking prick’, for two very good reasons. First up, it makes things more interesting and unexpected in the insult stakes. Secondly, it means when I do resort to the simple, straightforward ‘fucking prick’ insult-alikes, they feel a bit fresher and more potent coming from me.

As such, I am always on the lookout for new things to be calling those who wrong me in whatever way (there are lots of ways to wrong me). I don’t always remember them though, and sometimes the sheer power of the feelings of hatred I have for the person (or inanimate object) at the time dulls out all rational, creative thinking and I am left merely resorting to calling them a time-tested thing. Like a ‘fucking prick’.

So I’m going to note down a few words I want to try and remember to call people; words that can enter the list of oft-employed insults I throw around these days like ‘vagabond’, ‘whelp’, ‘swine’ and ‘rotter’.

Cur, because, like, it’s a great word and it brings to mind swashbuckling. I think.

Wart, because, well, warts are disgusting aren’t they so it would be saying the person is disgusting. Yeah?

Stain. I just like the concept of calling someone a stain. It amuses me.

Bereftwat, which is something I just this second invented. It indicates someone is bereft of thought and a twat. Something like that, at least.

Breeder, a common insult thrown around by certain types, and one I want to get into my personal lexicon. It’s just so idiotic and condescending, I love it.

Methusai, because it’s an ancient Greek insult and who doesn’t want to use ancient Greek insults? (It means ‘old woman/hag’ and is especially insulting when used against men, apparently)

I think that will do for now. My head can only hold so many words at a… I’ve forgotten the word. You fucking prick.

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I am not – I cannot be – a troll

I have problems with how I behave on the internet. I don’t fit in with what seems to be the normal way of doing things, and it’s all down to my damn idiot brain not letting me fit in. Stupid brain.

I will, do, have and willdohave say: “I behave online as I behave in real life” and that is true. I treat people politely, generally, only argue when really pushed into it/when I absolutely know I’m right or the other person is completely wrong (or if I want to argue with them) and I don’t resort to petty name-calling, threats or anything else you see everywhere from Reddit to the Grauniad*.

But the reason for it isn’t some altruistic notion of goodwill to all humanity and general, basic politeness – well, it is in some respects. No, it’s more just the fact that I am the Socially Awkward Penguin. LET ME EXPLAIN.

I simply cannot get over the mental wall I put up – I associate what I say with having an effect on someone. A real person. If I am to annoy them in any way, this thought would make me feel bad. If I am to argue, it irritates. I cannot insult as I don’t do it much in real life – at least not seriously, or to people’s faces when it is serious. Basically, I find it difficult to distance myself from the reaction of others.

Maybe I’m insane and should just stop being such a brilliant ball of empathy. YOU’RE ALL FUCKTARDS TROLOLOLOL etc.

*The only two sites I read.

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