Tag Archives: late blog

I’m well organical, me

This was meant to be done yesterday – I was too drunk and tired to do it though. APPLE LOOGIES.

I’ve just made a startling realisation – of my last 12 pints of milk, all 12 pints of them have been of the organic variety. Also I just bought an organic, free-range chicken. From Waitrose. What the hell has happened to me?

Putting aside (vast) monetary concerns – these things are more expensive than non-organic and non-free-range, after all, and ignoring the fact that Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and his stupid name were telling me to BUY ORGANIC, YOU PLEB a while back… oh, and Jamie Oliver too. And his fat tongue. Anyway, ignoring all those mitigating factors I have little idea why this has transpired.

I do give a shit about some animals, but I’m both very selective and something of a hypocrite when it comes to animal welfare and the well-being of creatures. Especially those bred entirely for the purpose of being eaten. Safe to say, PETA probably wouldn’t have me on their books at any point in the near future.

No, this is probably a combination of a sub-conscious reaction to one thing and a rather conscious reaction to another. The former is likely my brain remembering the stories about the quality of non-organic produce and how it, as they say, is ‘full of shit’. Often literally. There was an article on the Grauniad about it a while back that even made my normally iron-constitution look a little bit rusty and weakened. Absorbed faecal matter – nom.

The more conscious reason has to be awarded to my darling girlfriend, whose constant badgering (organic badgering, of course) has actually had an effect. After all, I am but a spineless pleb, incapable of standing up for myself.

But sod it, organic stuff is less evil, and contrary to popular belief I don’t like being evil. I am officially an organic twat.

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Stop looking over my shoulder, goits

Seems this didn’t publish earlier when I pressed ‘publish’. Soz.

A five hour train ride isn’t a great deal of fun, surprisingly because it takes five hours. But I’ve found there is one great way in which you can make the journey just fly by. Step one is to take some form of device that can play movies on it, so you can watch a selection of movies, or TV shows or whatever else you want to watch. This means there will be a screen on which you are watching moving images – a key point of the plan.

Step two is to make sure there’s somebody sat within your peripheral vision – but this can’t just be anyone, it has to be a particular kind of person. The kind of person I’m talking about, of course, is the kind who will insist on watching things over your shoulder. It just makes the journey FLY BY when you have some gormless oaf who can’t do anything but stare, mouth agape at the fact you have a colourful screen projecting the moving images of famous people you might know of.

While it does make the journey FLLLLYYYY BYYYY, I would still like to punch every single one of these nosey morons in the face. Except for the ones who are bigger than me, or ones who look stabby. I find it intensely annoying, and it’s made all the worse when they comment on what’s on the screen either to their friends or to me. TO ME.

Arseholes. Stop it.

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