Tag Archives: laziness

You can’t even driiiiiive!

For some reason I’ve been thinking recently that I really should learn to drive. Then that line of thought gets onto the fact that I started learning back when I was 17. Then I remember I’m 27 now. Then my brain tends to say something along the lines of: “Oh. Bollocks.”

I had a dozen or so lessons, but then went to uni and kind of forgot about it. Then when I came back a couple of years later and had some time to learn again, I stopped again when I decided to go back to uni. Again. And I absolutely was not about to try and learn in Preston, as I value the whole Not Dying thing. There’s logic in there somewhere.

But do I really need to know how to drive? I walk to work, and if I can’t there’s a bus stop 11 seconds walk from my house. I could use a car to drive up to Manchester instead of taking the train, but the added cost of petrol, tax and all that other shit cars require means it would probably end up costing more than it does without a car. Generally, it makes me think of this:

Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I’ve not actually done the wrong, idiotic thing by not learning to drive. Who knows? I do. It’s that. Yep. I should have learned to drive by now. I could own a van and everything. Instead I’m relegated to having to walk or take buses, and I have no independence when it comes to actually getting anywhere. Balls.

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Patronising idiocy relating to video games in newspaper “shocker”

Some of you may have seen this article on the Torygraph today, where writer Harry DeQuetteville tests the shocking argument that video games aren’t just for kids. Now, I’m not about to tear into this like so many others will in far better fashions. I’m not going to question the logic of a 35-year-old being so hopelessly out of touch with reality it makes him seem 30 years older than he is. Nor am I going to highlight how he utterly misses the point of why LittleBigPlanet was a step forward. I’m not going to blindly comment on these things, because I’m not the same as him, basically.

I don’t claim to take the path of most resistance and always put a shitload of research into everything I write – especially here – but I know enough to not make lazy commentaries on things, relying on ancient stereotypes to back up my points. Even if I do also like Heavy Rain. This isn’t my point, anyway. I’ve got bogged down.

What I do take issue with is how DeQuetteville seems to make Call Of Duty: Black Ops out to be the shining example of video game glory. He appears to, at least, use the reasoning that it sells millions of copies and makes billions of dollars (“it” being the COD series, in this case) and is therefore the best example of the medium.

Now, would he or any other writer really take that point of view when it comes to other media? Would you write an article about how Avatar grossed a shitload of money and is therefore the best example of the genre? Does Dan Brown set the standard for authors across the world, purely because millions buy his books? Matchbox Twenty sold 20 million-plus records, does that mean they’re in the top few bands ever to grace this earth? I think you see my point.

I understand the ignorance. I accept it. There are many things I am ignorant of, hard as that may be to believe. But wilful ignorance? Nah. Surely it’s basic, irrefutable logic that just because something sells a lot that doesn’t make it the best example of the thing? Surely that’s just basic smarts?

Though I suppose that wouldn’t fit into the whole “we all still secretly think games are for idiots and kids” thing the whole article gives off, even with its “I learned my life lesson” ending. And to think, I once said the Torygraph has decent games coverage.

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Arguing with idiots (aka ‘my brain’)

I don’t think I get on with my brain very well. I ask it if I should do something – anything – and it often just goes with “no”. I do feel as if I inhabit a body that belongs to me but contained within it is the brain of someone, or something, else. I mean, if it is the latter I’d hope the ‘thing’ in question is a powerful lion with a penchant for devouring pasties, but we all know it’s a sloth. A sloth that other sloths refer to as “the lazy one” – yes, even lazier than Lazy Sloth McGinty, the (former) laziest sloth in the world and (current) holder of the Guinness World Record for least movement made in one week. The sloth my brain comes from would have taken that record, but Kriss Akabusi never turned up to verify the attempt so it was invalid.

Anyway.

My body, or at least the consciously-controlled part of myself, is really quite willing to crack on with things, to get work done, to go out, to be sociable, to go shopping for basic foodstuffs (it doesn’t want to go shopping for clothes – it isn’t mental) and generally to try and be a real human being. The brain part that controls said conscious body bit, however, isn’t a fan of these ideas. It’s like the boss of some nasty international megacorp that will sit there and listen to the pleading from Joey Small the Tiny Baker in full, look like he’s going to have a change of heart (did I mention? He’s planning to blow up Joey Small’s Tiny Bakery in Lewisham) before he actually sits back, cackles and lets out a booming “NO”. Then has Joey’s family put to death.

That’s my brain. It doesn’t belong in me, but it’s still controlling who and what I am. Curse you brain, for making me this way. Still, the thought of sitting doing absolutely nothing on my four days off does seem like a very good prospect indeed. Maybe sloth-brain is onto something…

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