Tag Archives: life

The chances of anything coming from Rhea? One to one, quite possibly.

So if we lookey here we can see that NASA has a press conference arranged for this coming Thursday. In it there will be an announcement, or talk, or mention, or something relating to the search for extraterrestrial life. As in, aliens. As in, creatures from another world. As in, oh jesus crikey I’m shitting myself.

But then normal, rational Ian takes over. What’s the announcement going to be about? I have a few speculative brain-farts I’d like to throw out, and none of them are particularly funny or interesting. No, wait – they’re all really funny and incredibly interesting. Yeah, that’s the way to encourage “web” “traffic”.

You may have seen recently that they – ‘they’ being the space twits at NASA – discovered that Saturn’s moon Rhea had some of that oxygen stuff in its atmosphere, along with some of that carbon dioxide stuff. Now this got tongues wagging – as far as my limited understanding goes, the presence of oxygen and/or carbon dioxide could very well indicate the presence of biological organisms on the planet. It could also mean some specific chemical reactions are being set off that are nothing to do with living things, we don’t know yet. But I would say my bet is on… hmm. I don’t know. I may postulate some more.

My second theory is that it’s nothing at all, and they’re just calling a press conference as it’s something they do quite often. It will be some blokes saying “we had a look, we didn’t find anything. Soz.” There’s actually a fair chance this will happen, actually. Not that I want it to.

My own, personal, third theory that nobody else in the world could ever come up with is presented in picture form:

We’re doomed.

I will be awaiting the announcement with bated breath, however. I’m sceptical it will be anything of real note, but that’s just how I am. While I don’t believe it will be any kind of monumental announcement, that doesn’t mean I’m not hopeful it is. Even if it’s a shitty single-celled organism – it’s a fucking alien species from another planet.

And to think I was stupid enough to write that story about life being found under the frozen surface of Europa. What a fool I was! Ahem. I mean… err… I never wrote that story. I am definitely not a nerd. I really don’t want to watch Star Trek right now. Hmm.

Wow, I’m actually excited. That’s broken my cynicism-rhythm. Don’t let me down, NASA – give us some more things to put in front of fundamentalist theists to see how they explain these away (N.B. this is not the only reason I want them to have found something, it’s just something that popped into my head now).

Squeeeeeeeeee! (That’s probably how the aliens talk, too)

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2005: An Ian Odyssey

Something has become very apparent over the last few days. I have been analysing myself in some ways, thinking about the past, looking over old photos, rooting through my clothes and arsing about with my stuff and I have come to the conclusion that I stopped evolving as a person in 2005. Now, this isn’t to say things in my life are the same as they were – if that were the case I’d still be living in Leeds (in many ways I wish I was), I’d be either unemployed, doing some bizarre freelance for very little money or working at CEX, I’d be single, I’d still play PES over FIFA and I wouldn’t be as grey (or fat) as I am now.

No, things like that have indeed moved on. I abandoned Leeds in 2008, I got a job in 2009, I bought a rent-a-bride from Switzerland in 2008, I moved back to FIFA in 2008 and I got a lot fatter and greyer through 2005/06/07/08/09/10. That’s all inevitable. Change – that’s real change, and not the “real change” promised by a certain shitty political party – will happen.

But there are so many things about me that have stayed exactly where they were. My clothing options, for one, have remained pretty much exactly the same since 2005, to the point that right now I am wearing a shirt I purchased from Tesco for 50p in that fateful year and some shorts I picked up around Christmas the same time. I have my Xbox 360 switched on, which was delivered to me by a man from Woolworths on December 2, 2005. I still have the kind of facial hair I decided to grow (more accurately: “not shave”) from around that time. A Wilhelm Scream are still my ‘current’ favourite band.

This isn’t an exact science, there are discrepancies and inaccuracies in my claims, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel very much like I stopped at 2005. I ceased to develop, instead remaining the man I have become, stuck in a state of arrested development for what seems like perpetuity. Just with less Will Arnett.

On one hand this could be seen as a failure on my part, becoming stuck in my ways, failing to advance or grow as a person and being so shit I haven’t actually bought any new casual shirts since five years ago. On the other hand, though, it could just be that I achieved absolute perfection in 2005, so I have subconsciously decided there is no need for me to change any more. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which it is.


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