Tag Archives: looking at things

Kim Jong-Il: dead, hilarious bastard

Well, he’s dead. The most hilarious-yet-horrifying person the world has ever seen* is no more. Taken from us while on his ridiculous armoured train he travelled the world** in. According to the people You Can Trust, he suffered megadeath as a result of overworking himself physically and mentally, trying to bring stability and prosperity to the nation he loved***.

Kim Jong-Il is dead. No longer with us. Deceased. He is an ex-dictator. Shuffled off this mortal coil.

Now, Gadaffi I didn’t much care for: he looked weird, he waved like a girl, he was clearly a complete knob. The other bastard killed this year wasn’t a dictator per se, but Osama Bin Laden was in fact a poopy head. He never did much for me, truth be told.

But Kim Jong-Il always amused me. Not to be that guy****, but I was well into him before Team America made him cool. There was just something about him. He didn’t carry himself well. He didn’t look like a statesman. He didn’t look evil. He didn’t look like a complete fucker. He didn’t look like much of anything, except for an overgrown baby with absolutely stupid hair.

And that’s why he was so great. I mean, granted, he caused the pain, suffering and deaths – directly and indirectly – of thousands, possibly millions. He was, by all measures of a man, a complete cunt. But how on earth could you ever stay mad at Kim Jong-Il when he did things like what I did write about a year and two weeks ago?

How can you be mad at someone who appears in a picture like that, even if they do engage in nuclear sabre-rattling? How? I have no idea.

You deserved to die, Kim Jong-Il, though I’m not sure if the world will be a better place with your fat, Swiss-educated son in charge*****. But I for one will miss your weird-shaped body and fucking stupid hair.

*Apart from Jeremy Beadle

**Some of the world, at least

***”Violently raped for nearly two decades”

****I’m always that guy

***** No comment

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Kim Jong Il, making me laugh as usual

I’ve had this picture open in a window for hours now. I keep on coming back to it just to check it looks the same as it did earlier. It often does. You’ll notice I haven’t edited it in my usual hilarious fashion, and that’s with good reason. Just look at it. Try and take it in. It’s North Korean Gloriously Ronery Mega Leader Forever (Until He Dies In A Week) Kim Jong Il, leaning through what appears to be a serving hatch, confronted by a table of food.

It’s a bizarre situation, not just in the picture, but in the fact that this is a photo of the man in charge of one of the strangest and – apparently – most horrible nations on earth. His people are perpetual victims, living under a regime they can do nothing about, indoctrinated into thinking this is the best thing for them and threatened with execution if they so much as keep a bit of food for themselves or their families. Oh, and famine is (again, apparently) a major killer in the country.

Then there’s all that nuclear ambition stuff, the shelling of South Korea and other such events which look to the untrained eye like blatant provocation, attempting to push people into a costly conflict. Well, either that or THQ have a bigger budget and more creative marketing team than I gave them credit for.

Yet here is their leader – a man we should all rightly despise – leaning through a hatch, observing some food. That’s all he’s doing, but that’s also what he’s doing. If it were someone else it really wouldn’t be much to remark on, never mind blog about, but because he is who he is, it’s something I’ve had open in a window for hours now. It’s something I’ve kept on coming back to just to check it looks the same as it did earlier. It often does.

[The pic is from this site, which I could not recommend enough. It’s surprisingly funny.]

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