Tag Archives: lost ark

The Indiana Jones movies are all stupid. GET OVAAAH IT.

Indiana Jones is on, so why not get annoyed at people’s opinions about Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull? Yeah, that’ll do.

Raiders Of The Lost Ark has a casket full of spirits that melt the faces of Nazis. Running away from a giant boulder – think about it, it’s stupid. Umm.. alright, Raiders isn’t actually that bad for silly things. There probably is still a few I’ve forgotten.

In Temple Of Doom Indy hides behind a rolling gong from a hail of machine gun fire, dives out of a window through a bunch of canopies and eventually lands in the back of a car being driven by a small child. He then goes on to, along with his companions, jump out of a plane using a boat as a parachute (and then, when it lands, as a toboggan. Oh, and as a boat). Monkey brain soup, or whatever it is.

Oh, and a man takes another man’s heart out by going “oh numshi bai” a lot. Mustn’t forget that bit. There’s more, but I can’t remember them.

The Last Crusade has a man who has been alive for a thousand years on it. A man chooses poorly and turns into an exploding skellington. Sean Connery is Indiana Jones’ dad. The plane crashing through the tunnel, when the pilot looks at Indy and pa driving next to him. Indy’s Scottish accent (only slightly more Scottish than a particularly patriotic, born-and-raised Nigerian man). The pen being mightier than the sword. Shooting three blokes with one shot from a revolver.

Oh, and the whole ‘Jesus being real’ thing. And again, more I don’t remember.

I’m not saying Kingdom is a great film, though I did enjoy it. I’m just wondering why perspective takes a backseat when it comes to people forming their stupid opinions on things. The Indy films are flights of fantasy, and it seems in the however many years between Crusade and Kingdom people seemed to forget this and think the original trilogy was made up of documentaries.

And the next person to complain about aliens being in the film gets the first punch of the day.

I’m going to watch Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull now, and I’m going to CHEER and WHOOP when Shiny Le Beef swings through the trees with the monkeys. See how that makes you feel.


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