Tag Archives: mag

Repetition and avarice

A quick bash on Borderlands starting at around 9pm last night – an hour or so, before Match of the Day and a bit of progress for my Brick character. Or so I thought. The addition of two chums (and a few interchangeable randoms) and you have the recipe for roughly seven hours of play. Seven hours. And this is exactly why Borderlands is pretty much better than you.

It’s absolutely compulsive stuff in single-player, of that there’s no doubt. But it doesn’t really smack of any kind of genius; it’s just a well-made title that appeals to the hoarding part of the brain, for those who actually have that part of the brain. Obviously. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s almost boring – annoying, even – when you play Borderlands alone. Hours of running backwards as endless streams of irritating, snappy enemies run straight at you. It’s not so much fun as it is outright addictive.

But then you throw in a couple of mates, and you end up playing the bloody thing for about seven hours, forgetting to eat, drink, visit the toilet or talk to yo’ woman (SORRY ANNA). What changes? Well it actually adds enemies the more players you have working together, so surely that should just make it more annoying? Well, yes, on paper. But then, on paper Borderlands should be a bag of shit anyway – a game where all you do is run about killing roughly three types of enemy for dozens of hours, picking up thousands of pointless items. But just like Communism, what’s on paper doesn’t necessarily translate to the real (virtual) world. More people = more fun. You can actually use character classes as they’re meant to be used, work together as a team and – probably best of all – spend ten minutes standing in a circle throwing weapons onto the ground in the middle for the group to peruse. Sod your MMOGs, your MAGs and your OTHER UPPER CASE ACRONYMS: Borderlands, four (or three) people and a bit (lot) of spare time is all you need.

Oh, plus it helps when Rich is a big flaming prat who kills everyone for you. Makes things less irritating, at least.

Problem is, now I’ve got to remember to avoid a “quick bash” on Borderlands today, as I have work to be getting on with. Stupid time, gets in the way of everything.

(Today’s entry brought to you by: not saying everything you want to say about a game; the need to get some work done dominating your mind; really wanting a cup of tea; tiredness; hunger; AVARICE)

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Pwned for par

I made a bit of a mistake today – I turned on the PS3 and popped MAG into the disc drive. I don’t say mistake because it’s a bad game – I haven’t played it enough to form any coherent opinion on it yet*. I say mistake because, as an online shooter, it is full of the worst people in the world. The kind who exist to both make my life hell and to show us that, actually, gaming is the pursuit of utter wanktwats. And not fine, socially-adjusted, interesting, witty, fun, outgoing, fashionable, upstanding members of the community like myself.

Rather than go into the usual rant about these plebeians and their uncouth manner, I will instead approach from a different angle. No, I’m not going to question why the ones with headsets feel the need to sing at you all the time, or why others decide it would be the best of ideas to play music at you all the time, or what exactly is so funny about someone being foreign all the time, or why we don’t in fact want to hear the inane babbling of a 14-year-old American kid all the time (leave that shit to me, fool), or – of course – why people feel the need to call you a ‘faggot nigger Jew cunt’ all the time.

No, these are questions we could not answer even if we wanted to, for the reasons why they happen simply do not exist. There is no logical basis for why any one of these things occur all the time, never mind ALL of them. In fact, the very thought that all of the above things go on all the time in games like MAG, Modern Warfare 2, Halo and the like offers up a bulletproof argument that there is, indeed, no god.

Where was I? Ah yes – online etiquette. Playing games. You’re mucking about, get over it. Don’t sing, unless it’s funny. Don’t insult, unless it’s funny. Basically, what I’m saying is: why aren’t all online communities exactly the same as on Everybody’s Golf World Tour? Never before had I played a game online against strangers and managed to go more than twenty minutes without being called a ‘wop kike coon homo’ (or some variation thereof) until I fired up EG. The people aren’t just polite; they’re encouraging, friendly and seem to genuinely want to have a good game, rather than just insult you and scream bloody murder should you win.

Basically what I’m saying is that I want to be a cyber-50-year-old man.


*It’s a bit shit though, if we’re being totally honest.


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