Tag Archives: meat

Fake meat feat

So it turns out that my mind is about 20 years ahead of where it should be, as I assumed they’d already be able to create meat in laboratories. I have no idea why – maybe it’s down to all the sci-fi I ingest and all the videogames I play that are about… scientists… with vats of meat… or something.

Well it turns out they can create meat in labs, but not as well as I’d have assumed. Read this, or at least a bit of it if you can’t be bothered with all of it, and come back here. Or don’t – I mean, the Grauniad is a good read anyway so I understand if you prefer it to coming back here. Try Cracked.com while you’re going, too. They do good internets over there.

Anyway, lab-grown meat. It’s a reality, but the tech isn’t there to make it commercially viable. Yet. Later this year Heston Blumenthal will be cooking a burger of lab-made meat that will have cost about £200,000 to make. That’s a lot. But hey, DVD players cost about £500 at the turn of the century. Now you get them free with your chips that you eat every single day of your life.

Barring an oil industry/electric car-style crackdown on the development and tech behind fake meat – feat – we’ll see it available to buy and eat and throw at people in… I don’t know how long. But at some point.

Would you eat it? I would. Though having said that, I’d eat most anything as long as it isn’t an onion.

But what about veggies and vegans? It takes a lot of the cruelty complaints out of the equation, true, but an animal does have to die at some point in the chain for the science bods to be able to create hundreds of tons of meat. Does that make it more acceptable to those who are opposed to meat on cruelty grounds? Is it still too much if there’s even one death to feed hundreds – thousands – of people?

Genuinely quite interested in this, I have to say. And I do hope they sort it so we can reclaim our fields and turn them into large, faceless shopping centres or something.

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Mead, meat, Vikings and cartoons

I am seriously behind on my cartoon-watching these days. I still spend half my time singing the theme tune to Doug, rather than looking up what it is that makes the kids tick these days.

Also what makes me tick, because cartoons are ace and shut up if you disagree. Unless it’s Pokemon. Pokemon is and always has been shit. I’m the kind of person who would go to the Pokemon Shop in Japan and say that all the time they were there (clue: I actually did that).

But yeah, I have Adventure Time – the one I won’t shut up about the pilot episode of – ready to watch and I’ve never bothered. I know it’s brilliant even without putting it on, I just haven’t been fussed. There’s other stuff too, but you can’t expect me to have thought of it beforehand, especially not when this blog is just filler…

I mean… fillet ‘o’ fantastic. Yes, that is what I was going to say.

So this is my pledge: by the end of this week I will have sat down and watched more than just the (excellent) pilot of Adventure Time and the (excellent) first episode proper of Adventure Time. I will also stop using ‘ladder’ as my go-to word on Scribblenauts, and I will actually eat something without red meat in it this week, as I seem to have gone red meat mental.

Must be all the Skyrim making me go back to my Viking roots.

Note: I don’t think I actually have Viking roots. Though I do like mead. And meat.

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I go to a poncey supermarket

It’s happened. I officially shop at Waitrose. Sometimes. What I once derided as the habitat of middle-aged, middle class women has become my second choice supermarket when I need to pick up my beans or soup (with beans in it). That is second behind Lidl, of course – I could never really completely dump Lidl. It has cheap things, and cheap things are good. Still, Waitrose is the alternative that I’ve picked for when I’m bored of questionable meat, or vegetables that look a ‘bit wrong’. Also it’s right across the road from Lidl, which means it’s always an option as I do so hate having to move more than absolutely necessary.

Oh wait, no – I mean: “I shop at Waitrose because I care about quality products at competitive prices, have a boner for Heston and Delia and love the fact that they only use farmers who ‘share their values’”.

Why is a supermarket a statement of your class, of your quality of life or of the type of person you are? Why are all the women in Waitrose (who look like clones) frightened of walking across the road for far cheaper items of equal quality? Why do I have to be confronted with Heston Bloominhell (HAHA SATIRE) and his stupid penis-like head every time I go into that place? So many questions, so little in the way of answers. It’s a supermarket where they sell you things in order to make a profit. It’s not a statement on your quality of life, your health, wealth or wise… th. It’s just a supermarket. Just like Lidl. They both sell beans. It’s like people getting nostalgic about Woolworths: stupid and annoying.

Still – got some cheap Waitrose banoffee pie today. Can’t argue with those odds.

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