Tag Archives: MEGA THIGHS

Time for MEGA THIGHS (part II)

On loading up the dashboard (the behind the scenes bit – get a WordPress account for yourself then you too can feel as special as I do!) I am confronted with lists of shit. One list of said shit shows a list of the however many most popular posts on this blog.

Now, I understand why Bieber Naked is popular – it’s because I beat the internet. I know why the psycho test one is so loved by my legion of fans – it’s because it’s the internet and it’s full of psychos. But there’s one that pops up regularly and confuses me.

I did this a while ago – something about me getting thighs like Roberto Carlos that has apparently been one of the most consistently popular entries on here.

Before I go any further: it’s clearly because of the Roberto Carlos thighs image. I know that.

But maybe… just maybe… there’s an audience out there of people who really want to know – who care so much it hurts about my ill-advised foray into the world of exercise equipment ownership.

Maybe there’s a cadre of dedicated static bike enthusiasts keeping a constant vigil, checking the world around them in the vain hope that some of us will actually buy one of these things and use it on a consistent basis for more than the initial two-month honeymood period.

I can safely say: there are no people who do that. None. At all. Anywhere. There’s no actual proof for this, but it is fact.

So here’s another picture of Roberto Carlos’s thighs, just to keep the traffic flowing:

I need to get back into the habit of using the bike.

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This could go either way – it really could. On one hand it could be the greatest decision I’ve ever made in my life (after buying the netbook). On the other hand it could be a completely stupid, pointless waste of money and end up being an unused burden/impromptu clothes horse in the corner of my room. Yes folks: I bought an exercise bike.

Naturally it’s a part of my new found ‘be less fat’ thing that I seem to only be able to talk about, and double-naturally I’ve chosen the option that combines one thing I’m trying to do (“exercise”) and one thing I genuinely love to do all of the time (“sitting”) (unless I have to stand up, or do something else, or at one point today when my leg felt funny so I had to walk around for ten minutes).

I’m guessing it will mean I’ll end up with thighs bigger than those of Roberto Carlos

and the ability to pedal for ages without stopping. I don’t know, like thirty seconds or something. Unless, of course, I let my inherent laziness get the better of me. If that happens, it will just end up being a £139.99 clothes horse. From Argos. Plus about £5 delivery. Half price. Better than the Davina bike option.


I do want a Chinese takeaway though. How long would I have to pedal to burn off 3,000 calories? About four weeks without breaks, I think.


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