Tag Archives: menu

My Come Dine With Me menu

Yeah, I’ve deleted that first image as it stopped being funny. I’m so fucking tired.

As it says on the tin (snarf!), really. I’m well classy, so I’d have loads of courses and the guests would be all like “WHOA!” and I’d be all like “DAMN RIGHT!” then everyone would be all like “OM NOM” and I’d be totally like “FUCK YEAH”.

THING BEFORE STARTER:

Bag of Lidl’s Alesto Nuts Royal (walnuts taken out)

STARTER:

Single plain Ryvita and whatever cheese is in the fridge, ala microwave (20 seconds)

BETWEEN COURSE SNACKING:

Tin of Lidl tuna (BYOF (“Bring” “Your” “Own” “Fork”))

MAIN TEA DINNER:

A choice of either:

Lidl fake Pot Noodle with lukewarm, scum-topped water (sauce optional)

or

Lidl chorizo (with extra pig toenails)

PRE-PUDDING PREPARATION:

BEANS

PUDDING:

Ice cream (I get more than you though, I’m bigger)

If you think this would do anything other than win the fine contest of Come Dine With Me then you are clearly an idiot in denial, who probably has BO or something. Also, if you think this is a hilarious list of foodstuffs then fuck you, this is what I eat. Genuinely. On a regular basis.

Today’s entry was brought to you by: eating bad food for years solid; being up since 6.30am; not being able to actually write about what I want to for legal reasons; not being able to write about the second thing I want to as I’m too tired to form a cogent argument.

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