Tag Archives: movies

CAN YOU FLY, BOBBY?

Reading a threat on Reddit, OF ALL PLACES, has me thinking: have you ever used movie quotes in real life and passed them off as genuine on-the-spot utterances? Actually, that should be re-written for me to say: have you ever not done that thing you just asked? I use quotes from movies, music, books, games, everything in place of normal conversation.

It all fits too – 60 per cent of the time, it works every time.

As this is blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain cell to run against the inside of their skull, it does get a bit miff-worthy when I genuinely come up with something original and brilliant (it does happen) and am immediately asked (well, post-laugh): “where did you get that from?”

I am capable of originality. 60 per cent of the time, every time.

But all the same, fitting a direct quote from a movie into real life is just damn satisfying – I don’t care how nerdy or whatever it is. Every time I’m bumped into in a club or pub and respond with a “hey man, there’s a beverage here!” is a victory for me. Every time a “what are you doing in life?” is answered with “hanging out, playing Nintendo” is a championship moment. Every time I meet a trainee pilot named Robert and I exclaim “CAN YOU FLY, BOBBY?” I automatically win at life.

Things other people have written and other other people have acted out are great. I’m going to keep ripping them off for my own small amusement. 60 per cent of the time, every time.

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Cinemas: shit, or REALLY shit?

I haven’t been to the cinema in bloody ages. In fact, the last film I saw was Clash Of The Titans (Titans Will Clash) in 3D, which was absolute ass of the highest order. I think it was really expensive too, but then I didn’t pay for it so WHO GIVES A FUCK?

I am, today though, going to the flicks. The pictures. The cinema. The movies. The picture house. The other name for it. The porn salon. No, wait – not the last one. There I will watch The Hangover 2: Hangover In Space.

I do not expect much from the film. Mainly because I really loved the first one, and it absolutely did not need a sequel at all. Hopefully low expectations will be rewarded with some fun, though.

Anyway, I need a topic away from aimless rambling here… hmm… cinemas, yeah. They’re a bit shit really, aren’t they? I mean, you have to sit in a room with other people, and we all know how shit other people are. They’re all “blah blah” and MUNCH MUNCH and screaming stupidly and smelling bad and being alive and other crap.

God I hate them.

Then there’s the skin diseases you can get from cinemas. Seriously – when I went to see Rambo in Leeds I went really itchy on the seat then a few hours later half my body was covered in a horrible rash. I mean, it went away pretty quickly, but still – that’s fucking foul.

Then there’s the shit expensive food and drink that can barely be classified as either of the things they claim to be. The massively expensive tickets. The inconvenience of having to go there. THE PEOPLE.

Yeah, I think I’ve convinced myself not to go now. OPPS.

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The shame of The Stack: extended

It just dawned on me that I don’t just have The Stack when it comes to videogames. And by that I don’t mean anything dirty – I mean a stack of unfinished or unplayed games that anybody who has taken a passing interesting in gaming will have, either literally or metaphorically.

I’ve had The Stack in other areas for years and not even noticed, but it’s just become clear to me just how great I am at accumulating things and how bad I am at doing what I’m supposed to do with them. I have a large box full of books, you see, and I’ve probably only read a quarter of them. I fully intend to read all of them, but it’s unlikely that I will for the next few years or something.

Yet I’ve just spent that last few days perusing Amazon for books I want to add to that particular stack.

Open my cupboard next to my bed and you’ll find hundreds of DVDs in there. Now there was once a time where there were hundreds more and I had barely watched half of them, but since the great eBay purges of the last few years it’s been mainly narrowed down to about 30-35% unwatched. A good ratio, I must say.

But when you take into account my hard drive of “LEGALLY ACQUIRED” movies, that percentage goes batshit in the wrong direction. Hoarding: it’s not the best thing to do.

But hey, at least it makes me feel a tiny bit better about not playing All The Games – I’m equally crap at following through on everything else, too.

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Opinions are tiresome

I had an opinion once. It affected me so badly I fell into a coma that lasted four months. It’s not a mistake I intend to repeat. Still, it seems that just about everybody in the world wants to walk this Line Of Death and voice what their brain is telling them to say, usually stating a like or dislike of something a lot of people know about. It’s a risky endeavour, that’s for sure, and it’s something I am here to warn you about.

So yes, you feel that *INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE* didn’t perform to the standard you normally expect of them. Maybe it was *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN FOOTBALL KICKING MAN WHO NORMALLY PERFORMS WHAT IS ACCEPTED AS “WELL”* who wasn’t performing as well as he normally does. Perhaps it was down to *INSERT NAME OF REFEREE YOU CAN REMEMBER THE NAME OF*, who you remember because he sent *INSERT NAME OF PLAYER WHO FREQUENTLY GETS CARDED* off – but then, you suppose he always does! Ho ho.

Or maybe you move away from football and instead move on to something like music. You don’t think that *POPULAR BAND A* can’t live up to the success of their last album, especially in the face of challengers to the throne like *POPULAR BAND B*. Maybe if *SOMEONE OFF A TV TALENT SHOW* was involved they’d be able to keep the momentum going! Ho ho.

Films? Well, *INSERT NAME OF DIRECTOR YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE NAME OF* hasn’t been producing to the best of his ability since *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN BUT LITTLE-WATCHED FILM*. That really blew you away, didn’t it? Ho ho.

Politics? *INSERT NAME OF POLITICIAN* has got the policies, especially his stance on *INSERT POLICY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT*, which is something you can really get on board with. And Nick Griffin is a cunt.

I’m just saying, if you all have to keep this ludicrous charade up you’re just going to end up dead in a gutter. It’s not like you can actually get a job where you’re paid to express a critical evaluation of something, is it? If you think there is, you’re living in a crazy land of insane opinions.

That’s just my opinion, mind.

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