Tag Archives: music

Live musical gig review from my brain: Apoplysmo Neurotisees

I am getting back into music reviewing. Here is my music reviewing of my best band they are called Apoplysmo Neurotisees:

‘A phenomenal discharge of aural symposium, defying genre and defining vivacity in a way only the work of Proust or Van Damme could truly even hope to mitigate towards equalling’. It was the only thought that traversed its way through the canals of my mind, electro-pistons firing in unity with the literal religious experience the throng-shaped masses were currently enjoying.

‘Transcendental doesn’t cover the sheer glorious verisimilitude of these ecclesiastical showmen’ I added using my brain, because it was just the right thing for my brain to say. While I achieved a genuine state of nirvana – literally – using just my own grey matter and the snapping synapses I previously mentioned using different words because I’m so good with words, this performance of composers, instrumentalists, singers, guitar-threshers and drum-singularities devastated the very notion of notions, fundamentally altering our state of existence as we know it, as we ever have known it and forever will be, now bereft of consciousness in the new age of enlightenment.

Three miracles of harmonious discord were born, lived a life and died on stage – while some of the intellectuals and comrades in our joint aural endeavour simply could not beholden the true majesty of what was taking place to the front of their ocular cavities, many were almost sharing parity with this very writer, though none could sincerely state they had equivalence with a mind so well-trained in the epithets of our sheer unfulfilled continuation.

Subjugation, eroticism, timorous, vehemence, ostracised, neo-classical antagonism laced liberally with agnosticism. Richardson Richardson. Beef and ham.

What the life-affirming experience taught me on a purely intellectual level is that philosophical debate is a requirement of any polite discourse and the conjuration of impossible mathematical hypotheses is something no discerning user of a carbohydrate-heavy mindset could do without. Such is the musical trope of our time, such is the parlance of our very being, such is the majesty of prosodies.

Oh, there was a band too.


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I like stuff because I like stuff. OH HOW POMO.

Does everything have to be steeped in irony? Does everything you like have to come with a thousand caveats and a knowing smile? I just read this piece on the Grauniad and, naturally, it’s a bit shit. But what annoyed me most is how it assumes anyone going to these clubnights does so out of a confused sense of nostalgia, or to be a hipster, post-modern, ironic, whatever.

Not just because you can get drunk and dance like a dickhead to songs you (still) like, oh no siree. You couldn’t possibly still listen to bands like New Found Glory without explaining to every passer-by you only do so because your musical tastes are so well-developed you’re reminding your brain of how hilarious it is to listen to simpler music, like that you listened to when you were an idiotic, musically-stupid child.

You couldn’t possibly enjoy playing videogames without being an eternal manchild. You wouldn’t enjoy watching wrasslin’ without being a redneck who still thinks it’s real. You don’t eat sweets unless you can hilariously point out that you used to buy that very treat from the tuckshop. You only eat mature food. You only talk about politics, and joking is something only reserved for when you’re being totally po-mo. You should be married by 30, have a mortgage by 32, have kids by 34, work in middle management, own a Ford Focus blah de blah.

Yes, I’ve gone a bit off-piste here, but I can’t help but think it all ties in. People seem incapable of admitting they still enjoy things from their past without adding in four thousand different excuses and reasons as to why they do. Fuck dat sheeit, innit. I like Blink 182.

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Today is a Propagandhi day. As are most.

I began this blog initially talking about how I actually have a choice of what to do this weekend, rather than what it has been for the last god knows how long. But I deleted that as it was boring. Now I have no idea what to write about.

Okay then, I have a song by Propagandhi going around my head non-stop. It’s called Less Talk, More Rock, and this is the best version I can find on Youtube.

I’ll never forget it coming on in the car once and my Mum saying on the “we wrote this song cause it’s fucking boring” line “well that’s stupid”. Made me chuckle.

Yep, that’s about it for today. Unless you want to listen to the song they got halfway through in Sheffield before the building set on fire and we had to evacuate. Sigh.


*They didn’t personally.

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I’m working on a theory in my Mindtank. It’s about arrogance – something I’m all to familiar with – and gigs. Not as in spectacles, though some of them can be quite the spectacle – no, I mean music gigs. Concerts. Shows. Whatever you want to call them. This Thinktrain has popped into my head a few times before, but it’s been re-ignited since I went to see The Gaslight Anthem last night.

See, being well cool and all that (ahem…) I’ve liked the band for ages (see here for the best interview I’ve ever done), but they’ve gone and done that thing that very few of the bands I like bother to do – they’ve got a bit popular with the plebs. What this has resulted in is an increase in the size of the Gig Bastions they play their musical notes in. No longer is it 150 smelly people in a reasonably small pub together – it’s now ten times that many cramped into a big smelly auditorium of furious Sound Wrangling. Also they smell worse, as there’s more of them.

What this means is that there are more people from different backgrounds, different walks of life and a broader selection of people that have taken bites from a different Decision Pasty to what we may be used to. Oh, and they dress differently too, like they’re real people or something.

Even though this is undeniably a good thing – Gaslight are a fine band, deserving a ride on any Success Minecart they may be offered – it does make for some interesting kneejerk reactions from the likes of myself and Anna (who accompanied me to the Harmonious Cabaret). Along the lines of: “they don’t look like the kind of people who would normally go to gigs”, or the more contentious “they look like they shouldn’t be at this gig”.

I call it Garrogance, and it’s something I’m going to hold onto til the day my Lifewell springs a leak.

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A Wilhelm Scream(s)

I have a great deal of love in my heart every time I hear a wilhelm scream. I also have a great deal of joy in my soul every time I hear A Wilhelm Scream. Oh ho – how confusing that could prove! But it’s not; they’re actually two genuinely great things in the world, and somehow, some way, have the same name. Some say it’s because the latter was named after the former, but that’s the kind of wild speculation I’ll leave to the professionals. I prefer the mystery anyway.

What is the Wilhelm scream (sans ‘A’)? Well, Wikipedia is your friend:

The Wilhelm scream is a frequently-used film and television stock sound effect first used in 1951 for the film Distant Drums. The effect gained new popularity (its use often becoming an in-joke) after it was used in Star Wars and many other blockbuster films as well as television programs and video games. The scream is often used when someone is either pierced with an arrow, or falling to their death from a great height or because of an explosion.

The Wilhelm scream has become a well-known cinematic sound cliché, and is claimed to have been used in over 149 films.

You know that scream you hear in seemingly everything? You’ll know it when you hear it. That’s the Wilhelm scream. I associate it mainly with Stormtroopers, but it pops up all over the place and is generally a welcome addition.

But what about A Wilhelm Scream?

A Wilhelm Scream are a band. They do melodic hardcore, a sub-genre in the punk rock… genre. This may mean nothing to you, so here are some more clues as to what they are like: they have songs called ‘The Kids Can Eat A Bag Of Dicks’, ‘Me vs Morrissey In The Pretentiousness Contest (The Ladder Match)’ and ‘I Wipe My Ass With Showbiz’; they have lyrics like “This grin is shit-eating and fleeting like a catamaran”; they exude a genuine air of Not Giving A Fuck about fame – a rarity, no doubt; someone hacked one of their songs into Guitar Hero and it ended up like this, which would make my hands melt or explode.

Or I could just post a video, but that would ruin the guessing game. Oh, here you go – I’m too kind:

I realise it’s not cool to like a band like this – I’m supposed to be into Sigur Ros or talk non-stop about Mono or Mum by the time I’m this old (it’s definitely not just to posture and look cool, oh no – everyone ‘intelligent’ clearly only loves bands like those) and ignore stuff that just makes me feel “RARGH YEAH” etc. But I don’t. I like A Wilhelm Scream. Every time I listen to them, life feels a bit better.


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Opinions are tiresome

I had an opinion once. It affected me so badly I fell into a coma that lasted four months. It’s not a mistake I intend to repeat. Still, it seems that just about everybody in the world wants to walk this Line Of Death and voice what their brain is telling them to say, usually stating a like or dislike of something a lot of people know about. It’s a risky endeavour, that’s for sure, and it’s something I am here to warn you about.

So yes, you feel that *INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE* didn’t perform to the standard you normally expect of them. Maybe it was *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN FOOTBALL KICKING MAN WHO NORMALLY PERFORMS WHAT IS ACCEPTED AS “WELL”* who wasn’t performing as well as he normally does. Perhaps it was down to *INSERT NAME OF REFEREE YOU CAN REMEMBER THE NAME OF*, who you remember because he sent *INSERT NAME OF PLAYER WHO FREQUENTLY GETS CARDED* off – but then, you suppose he always does! Ho ho.

Or maybe you move away from football and instead move on to something like music. You don’t think that *POPULAR BAND A* can’t live up to the success of their last album, especially in the face of challengers to the throne like *POPULAR BAND B*. Maybe if *SOMEONE OFF A TV TALENT SHOW* was involved they’d be able to keep the momentum going! Ho ho.

Films? Well, *INSERT NAME OF DIRECTOR YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE NAME OF* hasn’t been producing to the best of his ability since *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN BUT LITTLE-WATCHED FILM*. That really blew you away, didn’t it? Ho ho.

Politics? *INSERT NAME OF POLITICIAN* has got the policies, especially his stance on *INSERT POLICY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT*, which is something you can really get on board with. And Nick Griffin is a cunt.

I’m just saying, if you all have to keep this ludicrous charade up you’re just going to end up dead in a gutter. It’s not like you can actually get a job where you’re paid to express a critical evaluation of something, is it? If you think there is, you’re living in a crazy land of insane opinions.

That’s just my opinion, mind.

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The first mention of Ian Chaddock in this blog

I’ve just completed a batch of freelance and other such worky things and realised that – for the first time in ages – I was listening to music while doing it. I am hoping that this means I am finally over my lifelong* inability to write more than a sentence when I have music playing, and it will mean I can once again remember what it’s like to listen to new music or pay attention to the recommendations of friends. It also means I’ll have an interesting answer to Ian Chaddock’s go-to question whenever he sees you, instead of just mumbling “umm… A Wilhelm Scream… still”.

I’m still getting sidetracked and finding it even harder than normal to think of the… what is it… WORDS! I want to use. But it’s a step in the right direction, especially as iTunes on this here lappy has barely ever been used. In fact, I’ve just realised I haven’t even downloaded Winamp for this thing. SILLY IAN.

Granted, it took longer to finish than it would had I been working in abject silence, but I’m finally listening more intently to the likes of Small Brown Bike and whatever other wank the Leeds idiots have been listening to (and telling me to listen to) for years. Hello, I am about five years too late, but still – I’m often late getting into things. This could be the beginning of something utterly wonderful, as well as being a handy excuse to write a short, pointless blog entry on a Saturday. SCORE. Still, at least it’s a bit of a change from the last two days where I’ve written eight billion words on two Arnie films.

But don’t worry, I’m going to do more of those. I aim for a novel’s worth of material for those badboys by the time this oneaday thing is up.

*Apart from a particularly fertile time for words a few years ago, when music and working was MENTAL-A-GO-GO.


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