Tag Archives: myspace

The Facebook update, or: ‘how to do shit things’

Yes, it’s an obligatory post on the changes made to Facebook. It’s to be expected, really. But I also think it’s fair because what the hell have they done? I mean, do they actually think before implementing things? There have been changes in the past that I haven’t understood people taking issue with, but this one just doesn’t seem to make any sense.

It’s as if someone had a vague idea and half-mentioned it in a meeting, only for an engineer who wasn’t even really paying attention to work the changes into the site. Basically it’s about 9% as good as an idea that wasn’t even a good idea in the first place.

In fact, it’s the equivalent of Jez’s idea for a tattoo on Peep Show: “What about an extra Facebook… on my Facebook? Yeeeah, double me.”

It’s not important and it will either get changed back or simply ignored – eventually – by the masses. It won’t break the site, people won’t leave in droves, we’ll all get over it or forget about it eventually. Mainly because it doesn’t matter. At all. In the slightest. Even in a world where you accept you’re allowed to be annoyed by things that aren’t just the Big Concerns (starvation, AIDS, almost out of jam etc), this isn’t any real concern.

But right now it is annoying. It immediately looked shit, then it did something to annoy me which forced me to do something I didn’t want to have to do. Basically it’s one of the most misjudged and ill thought-out changes I have ever seen on any site in my life.

Still not as shit as MySpace, though. God that place went so bad so fast.

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I AM PROCRASTINATING LOL

What’s happened to the word ‘procrastination’? See, I remember a time many years ago when people would say it every chance they got, even if they misunderstood its meaning. Or couldn’t spell it. Or were dickheads. It was the magical time of MySpace, and every other update from someone seemed to mention “I AM PROCRASTINATING LOL” or something along those utterly moronic lines.

Now I don’t see it. Does this mean people have stopped procrastinating? Or is it because one of the main outlets for your inane shite, Twitter, has a character limit – thus making longer words out of bounds? I think we will never know. Unless we ask every single person in the world. Bagsy not doing that – got a bad leg.

Facebook? Well nobody wants to use the word on there because it will make them look like one of two things, depending on what kind of follower sees it. If it’s an old school friend or extended family member, they will think the person writing it is a show-off geek dweeboid from the planet Nerdlinger IV, because only show-off geek dweeboids from the planet Nerdlinger IV use words like ‘procrastinate’. The common plebeian* just can’t handle it.

The other group – people who know, or possibly like the person, will simply think they’re being a prick. It’s a vicious circle. Or cycle. Or square. Or something. I don’t know.

So let’s raise a toast to the forgotten word of the social media landscape: we won’t miss you, procrastinating, because people who used you were generally twatends anyway.

*Can’t spell ‘plebeian’ without Ian!

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Ghosts of internet past

I was doing some thinking earlier, so I had a sit down and a sandwich. Made me feel right as rain. Anyway, during that particular thought-blast I considered some of the websites I used to visit during my history of the internet. And the results were… well, they actually weren’t surprising at all, to be honest. I’m still going to talk about them, anyway.

One of the first favourites that sprang to mind was one that myself and friends would waste – literally – hours on. It was, for those unaware, a little ditty called Hot Or Not, and saw visitors to the site ranking people on looks alone, from one to ten. Hot, or not. It was also bizarrely addictive, with the added bonus of being able to put your own pictures on to see how you were rated. Obviously the novelty wore off, probably around the same time Ben got a higher rating than me. Coincidence? Nope.

Pre-all that though were the chat rooms on Yahoo, for one very good reason: they had voice chat. This meant I and a friend or two could go on and wind up Americans by actually talking to them. I still remember some guy threatening us with the whole of America coming over to kick our ass, which I took literally.

Myspace. Obviously. It became horribly overrun with constant spam and shit off shitty bands I don’t give two squirts of piss about. Though I am still on there, as I checked the other day. This reminded me of another site that fell by the wayside: Friendster. I rooted out my old profile (here!) and… well, as I’ve said before on the blog, I really haven’t changed for five-plus years. Sigh.

This all carried on with other sites and whatever falling by the wayside, with the most recent of these being Rllmuk Forum. I have no idea why I visited that site once a day, every day, for years. It’s full of the most hateful, petty and altogether shit internet-dwellers I have ever had to experience. I will still visit every now and then, but only to look at the trades, see if there’s anything good on offer.

What about you? Any ghosts more interesting or embarrassing than mine?

EDIT: I completely forgot about Punktastic. Spent an inordinate amount of time there for a number of years, before completely cutting the place off. And that was for politic-y reasons, so it’s almost interesting. Except it isn’t. I was a mod there and everything. Bless.

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Laughing at murder in the modern age

The internet is fun when people apparently murder someone, go on the run then end up falling off a cliff to their death following an eight hour stand-off with the police. Well it’s fun more times than that, it has to be said, but this has a combination you don’t get many other places: the initial story I read made me laugh, even though it shouldn’t; it involves porn; I used the power of the internet to find out some other things, and what I saw made me laugh again, even though it shouldn’t (again). Let’s explain.

It seems a man known as Steve Driver (porn name) killed another porn actor with a samurai sword – one Tom Dong (porn name) – then went on the run from the fuzz. He was surrounded in a rocky outcrop in Los Angeles, where there was a stalemate for eight hours as there were, presumably, negotiations and threats from both sides. This didn’t make me laugh. This is obviously horrible, mental and weird – and also gives you a great idea of the kind of people who get into porn. No, the bit that made me laugh was the outcome: the police decided to shoot Driver with a “less than lethal” round – you’re talking rubber bullets or bean bags here – which hit Driver and, as much as I can gather from the news, caused him to fall down the cliff and die. This is what made me laugh – not the death of the porno-sword-murderer, but the fact that the police thought it would be a good idea to shoot him with a ballistic object when he was doubtlessly stood in what most would call a ‘precarious’ situation. “Basic physics? Equal and opposite reactions? Inertia? Impact? Balance? This voodoo nonsense means nothing to me!” It has to be said, both movies and now real life, it seems, don’t go out of their way to show Yank coppers as being the best the country has to offer, do they?

Anyway, following reading this and laughing at it (then feeling bad as blah blah I UNDERSTAND IT IS BAD SOMEONE WAS MURDERED AND ANOTHER ENDED UP DEAD) I decided to see if this Steve Driver chap had any presence on anything like Twitter, or Facebook that I could see – see if there was a status update of ‘going to samurai someone’s ass off now’ which, frankly, could be taken numerous ways considering the line of work he was in. I ended up on his MySpace (remember that? Ho ho!), where I was met by two comments that just outright made me laugh. Again. Both from the same person ‘Kannin Chen’, they read as follows:

3 Jun 2010 03:46
oh shit steve, what the fuck…a samurai sword? really?

3 Jun 2010 06:26
you killed Tom? fuck you Steve…fuck you…I hope you burn in hell!

Now forgive me for being callous, but I am*. The first message shows us the reaction when this Chen person found out about the apparent murder. I don’t know about you, but this probably wouldn’t be my reaction if someone I knew enough to chat to on MySpace had done someone in with a samurai sword. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be commenting on their page at all – call me old fashioned if you will. I’d probably be – at most – texting friends about it to try and find out what was going on.

But the follow-up message is pure brilliance. It’s a genuine, normal reaction that someone might have in this situation. It encompasses the disbelief, the rage and the passion for vengeance that someone might feel when a friend murders another friend (I say as if I know). I’ll ignore the fact the exclamation mark makes it sound like a happy or enthusiastic statement. But it’s normal, yes? Well, yes. Aside from the fact that it was posted on MySpace. Call me even more old fashioned than before, if you will, but I do think there’s a time and a place for posting things on social networking sites. When a friend has murdered another friend… well, it probably isn’t one of those times.

Anyway, that’s it. My entry today: commenting on a murder that’s less than a day old and laughing about it. This is what oneaday is all about, right?

*Appropriating Bill Hicks jokes for my own needs. I am cool!

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