Tag Archives: news

Riot on the streets of HA HA WHAT AN ORIGINAL TITLE

I’ve been sidetracked this evening watching rolling coverage of the disturbances across London and Birmingham. To be fair, it made watching the never-progressing, based-on-guesswork, often-repeating nature of 24-hour news a bit more interesting as we got to see a building burn to the ground in real, linear time.

I’m sure the footage will be repeated on a loop for the next few days though.

But as it’s progressed all we’ve seen is the usual bollocks – the voices of authority figures showing how utterly clueless they are, spouting off buzzwords repeatedly to get them into the national psyche and make us know what to think about the whole situation. “Opportunistic criminality”, mainly.

I don’t disagree with that, I just disagree with the notions of these people having to repeatedly tell us, having to beg these people who would never be listening to them in the first place to stop doing what they’re doing, because people like the figures spouting these catchphrases ignored the people in the riots in the first place.

I don’t even know if that makes sense.

And the next person to say “it’s a bad advert for the capital” or “it reflects badly on the country” needs a massive slap in the face. Underlying problems are a thing to be ashamed about. Flash in the pan disturbances are something that will be quelled and forgotten about.

I know the dumber among you will assume this is a defence of looting, violence and general directionless civil disobedience. It is not. It is simply a re-reaction to the endless, idiotic reactions I’ve been seeing and hearing on the news.

Yes, opportunistic smash and grabs are not a direct result of disenfranchisement. But to discount the effects of being brought up in a world where you have nothing to look forward to, where you’re demonised for simply being brought up in a certain area and economic bracket – that’s even more stupid than some fat idiot robbing a TK Maxx.

There is always an underlying cause; all you have to do is follow the trail far enough. The old saying is ‘follow the money’, but in this case it’s ‘follow the lack of money, opportunity or future’.

You can say ‘ask those on the street what they’re “protesting” and they won’t know what to tell you’. I agree. But if these people were brought up in an environment where they had hope, where they had a reason to belong in our big friendly society – do you think they’d be out on the streets now? If they had the upbringing you had – that I had – while we sit here commenting on Twitter and not rioting, do you think we’d be rioting? Ohnowait.

I’m sure I have more, but I’m done for now. I’m angry at the rioters, but I’m managing to be more angry at others.

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War, it’s good for me (what’s my name? THUNDERCLEESE!)

I, as a person with a brain and stuff, obviously abhor war. It is a terrible thing, shows us all up for the barely-developed apes we are and is always the most ruthless and merciless in its treatment of those on the bottom rung of life’s ladder. It’s shit, basically.

At the same time I, as a person who likes watching things explode, can’t get enough of war as entertainment. Naturally I mean through movies, books, games and whatever else, but also in the news. I find it gripping to watch the footage of fiery death raining down on these distant cities around the world, and I don’t think it makes me a bad person to admit that I do find it entertaining.

Why wouldn’t you? It’s a fireworks display more powerful than any you’ll ever see at your shitty local park. It’s thrilling in more ways than one – the simple, visceral excitement you get from watching things blow up goes hand-in-hand with the fact that your leaders of your countries have decided – on your behalf – to be the alpha male for once, rather than their usual ‘let’s talk it over’ attitude.

Violence is bad. It’s rarely a means to an end that can be taken in good conscience. But that doesn’t stop it from triggering something in your brain and getting your Wow Gland tingling. They weren’t lying when they said shock and awe, and it truly is a time where the word ‘awesome’ can come into play.

The destruction of nations and their people is a horrible thing to think about. So let’s just not think about it, yeah? Let’s sit in our cosy armchairs and watch the big booms going off, placated by the mesmeric flashing imagery until we finally tire of it, switching channels to catch the rest of Take Me Out. And don’t ruin


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Me judge the pre-judge

I sometimes think the media shouldn’t be allowed to report on crimes until they’re all sorted, the criminal has been captured and the case closed. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t actually think that all the time, and I am very much a supporter of the free flow of information to be disseminated throughout the populace. It’s just the combination of the media being prats and the general populace being monumentally stupid isn’t the greatest.

Take, for example, the recent case of the murdered girl and her landlord taken in for police questioning in relation to the deed. I read this and I think: “the landlord has been taken in for questioning by the police. This possibly means he’s done it”. It would seem, however, that the general populace/some elements of the media have taken this to mean: “HE LOOKS WEIRD HE DEFINITELY KILLED HER LET’S VILIFY HIM! PROOF? WE DON’T NEED PROOF WHERE WE’RE GOING! SHIFTY EYES! BAD HAIR! MURDERER!”

It’s a simple case of trial by tabloid, as it has been so many times before. How many reputations can you think of that have been ruined, even though a person has been officially judged to be innocent? I’m not saying the justice system is infallible – but if a judge and/or jury, with access to information neither you nor the papers has, decides someone hasn’t done something, I tend to think this means they haven’t done something.

Obviously this doesn’t yet apply to Mr Weird-Hair McLandlord, as he hasn’t been let off yet (bailed, at the time of writing, which would likely point to him not having done it. They don’t bail murderers that much), but he hasn’t been charged with murder. Yet. He might still be, in which case the papers can go wild and the people can go wilder with their cries of: “SHIFTY EYES HE DID IT I CALLED IT I AM JUSTICE!”

I’m just going to sit back and get quietly annoyed with the world, though. Along with John Leslie.

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Did you see the news? DID YOU SEE THE NEWS? I quite literally couldn’t literally literally believe it – literally. Today started off so normal, but once this news was released my day – nay, my life was changed forever. Today will go down forever as having made an indelible mark on very soul. I shouldn’t have the repeat the NEWS now, but I will just to be sure: Apple announced The Beatles’ albums will be available for purchase on iTunes.

Now just let that sink in for a while. Even if you had already heard the news, you’ll probably need a few minutes, at least, to let it all re-sink in. I know I do. Just re-reading that sentence has got me all-a-flutter.

I understand some may claim that other issues – budget concerns, massive cuts to major services across the country, the failing state of Ireland – might be the only thing we should be really talking about, I for one am glad the news media has seen fit to give The Beatles being on iTunes reasonably major billing on their outlets.

I actually overheard some moron earlier whining that this was “glorified advertising”. No. See, I happen to know a thing or two about advertising, and this certainly isn’t advertising. Why? Because it’s news. It’s as simple as that. Granted, it’s free column inches for a company making the public aware of a product they sell, but that’s not advertising. It’s Apple, for fuck’s sake! They’re news in their own right, as we all know.

I am glad this was in the news today. It has really perked me up something spectacular.

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Stupid, stupid people

The death of Raoul Moat blah blah, etc. It has brought out the absolute worst comment from someone I have ever read. Now this may be taken out of context, it may have been a joke, an aside, not indicative of the actual meaning of what was being said (“irony”, you could call it). What am I talking about? Why, the comments of one Theresa Bystram, mother of three and lady who attended Moat’s funeral wearing a Chelsea FC shirt. These comments:

“I absolutely loved him. I just think he is a hero and I wanted to pay my respects. He kept them coppers on the run all that time. Fair enough people died but they must have deserved it.”

I feel it’s only fair to point out here, as in this story where I got the quote from, that she didn’t know the dead bouncer in question. She just travelled halfway across the country to attend his funeral and spout off to the media about how he’s a hero. The same media who are 99 per cent to blame for the fact that idiots like this think this dead prat are heroes.

I do like the logic on show here – some people died, therefore they must have deserved it. if that’s not the logic of a TV-watcher then I don’t know what is. Though surely she understands the contradiction that could be inferred if you were to point out that Moat died, and therefore surely – by her logic – must have deserved it? Just sayin’.

Here’s one thing I find interesting: we live in a world where a man is fined real money for making a (poor) joke about blowing up an airport. Yet we live in a world where some fat moron can say another fat moron was right to hate cops, to kill one person and hurt a couple of others and it’s just ignored. That’s at least a £20 fine, surely?


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