What’s the greatest sandwich you’ve ever had? Is it ham? Beef? Cheese? A combination of other things all put together into one pile of nonsense? It could be, I don’t know. Maybe your favourite sandwich involves hammers and beans. That would make you a bit squiffy, truth be told, but at least if you admitted to it there wouldn’t be much weirder you could go.
But maybe your favourite idea of a sandwich is one with pastrami, mustard, cheese and something else you love. Maybe it’s a case of the best things that could possibly go in a sandwich combined with the best things you never thought could go in a sandwich (but could). Maybe it’s just that damn good.
Basically I want you to picture, or taste that ‘wich. I want you to imagine you’re feeling its flavour all over your mindtank. Then I want you to think of bread and butter.
Bread and butter is clearly the best thing ever made, even if you have olive spread instead of butter like some loser might (hello!). It tastes of very little, it’s of no nutritional value beyond being bread and making you eat it and… well, it doesn’t do much for the street cred of “the kids”. So there’s clearly no viable point in bread and butter.
Fuck viable though, I love it.
I have made the greatest discovery since the time when someone realised it is possible to make discoveries. Well, I say “discover”, I mean “something you have been able to buy in loads of shops for ages”. Also, I say “greatest”, I mean “one I like that doesn’t actually change the world in any way, shape or form. It just makes me happy”. So that’s that cleared up.
Anyway, it’s these badboys: one-use coffee filters. You balance it on the top of your mug, pour hot water in and it filters down, through some ready-placed coffee and drips into the mug. One use, instant (almost) and you just bin the filter when you’re done with it. Basically, it’s on a par with magic. Near-instant proper coffee with the minimum of mess is my Mecca, so it’s nice to be one step closer on my pilgrimage to poorly thought out metaphors.
I discovered these on a random jaunt to Norfolk (which I may have covered here), nestled between the usual shit you get in a B&B room. I stole them, though it’s not really stealing as they’re there to be used by you, and gave one to myself and one to my coffee-drinking work colleague. We both agreed they are fucking brilliant. Therefore they have passed the quality test.
You could argue that they’re wasteful, as the amount of packaging you discard for each individual coffee is almost the same size as a cup of coffee. And you could argue that they don’t offer value for money, that you may as well stick to traditional filter coffee methods and that I’m just getting caught up in the euphoria that comes with finding something new. Also the same euphoria that comes with a caffeine high.
In fact, you probably should argue all that, as it’s all true. But your arguments and thought-out points based on logic and straightforward thinking can never get beyond the fact that I have a new toy related to coffee to play with, and I like it a lot. Being blinded by novelty is always a good thing, right?