Tag Archives: north korea

Kim Jong Il, making me laugh as usual

I’ve had this picture open in a window for hours now. I keep on coming back to it just to check it looks the same as it did earlier. It often does. You’ll notice I haven’t edited it in my usual hilarious fashion, and that’s with good reason. Just look at it. Try and take it in. It’s North Korean Gloriously Ronery Mega Leader Forever (Until He Dies In A Week) Kim Jong Il, leaning through what appears to be a serving hatch, confronted by a table of food.

It’s a bizarre situation, not just in the picture, but in the fact that this is a photo of the man in charge of one of the strangest and – apparently – most horrible nations on earth. His people are perpetual victims, living under a regime they can do nothing about, indoctrinated into thinking this is the best thing for them and threatened with execution if they so much as keep a bit of food for themselves or their families. Oh, and famine is (again, apparently) a major killer in the country.

Then there’s all that nuclear ambition stuff, the shelling of South Korea and other such events which look to the untrained eye like blatant provocation, attempting to push people into a costly conflict. Well, either that or THQ have a bigger budget and more creative marketing team than I gave them credit for.

Yet here is their leader – a man we should all rightly despise – leaning through a hatch, observing some food. That’s all he’s doing, but that’s also what he’s doing. If it were someone else it really wouldn’t be much to remark on, never mind blog about, but because he is who he is, it’s something I’ve had open in a window for hours now. It’s something I’ve kept on coming back to just to check it looks the same as it did earlier. It often does.

[The pic is from this site, which I could not recommend enough. It’s surprisingly funny.]

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FIFA World Cup 2010 predictions – groups G-H

Right, last one now and a lot later than I intended to do it so it’ll probably be worse than the other three – and they were pretty bad. Ah well. Read on, reader.

Group G

Brazil: See, I don’t really care about Brazil in any World Cup – I just accept they’re great. I care even less right now that my brain is dominated by post-Sony conference E3 thoughts.

Ivory Coast: Like, when can I play Twisted Metal? What did Gabe’s half sentences about Steamworks mean? Is PS3 getting Steam? That would be amazing.

Portugal: It’s fun how E3 has managed to actually ignite some excitement from me for once – the last few years have been abject failures on that front. Twisted Metal! Kevin Butler is funny too. I reckon they’ll get a bit more use out of that character. He’s funny.

North Korea: Oh look – North Korea! I wonder if anyone there is even aware there’s a new Twisted Metal game coming out. I hope there is. If only a handful of secret North Korean nerds. Hard as that might be.

Group H

Spain: Wait, right, football. Errm… Spain are a team who are well good, like. I think they will do well in the football Word Cup, and that “Torres” will score some goals. I wish he still had a mullet though. Don’t know why, I just do.

Switzerland: Oh yes, THE SWISS. The monsters of the footballing world, known for their fury and sheer emotion on the pitch – as well as on the world stage. Filthy neutrals. They do have a chance to get out of this group, mind, as they’ve done well up to now.

Honduras: Another one of those teams you don’t really understand why they’re in the finals. Also I called them Costa Rica the other day, though that’s acceptable because I was thinking about Paulo Wanchope. And probably Twisted Metal.

Chile: What do Chile have going for them these days? I lost track of them in the early noughties, so I have no idea where they’re at right now. Probably shit. Oh well. Out in the group stage after the monsters of Switzerland beat them into a tearful submission.

Be fair now – it wasn’t as painful as you think it was. Maybe it made you laugh? Oh, screw you. I don’t give a shit if you laugh or not. You sick bastards. You suck.

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