Tag Archives: o2

Disloyal scumbag I am

I am a traitor. After something like 12 or 13 years of unerring loyalty, I have strayed. My attention lies elsewhere, my focus is… unfocused, and my ability to write three-bit lists like this is failing me quite badly. Which sucks.

I was a customer of Cellnet, then BT Cellnet, then BT Genie and – SOON ENOUGH – I was moved to O2. These were all the same company, with name changes and mergers ahoy. All the time I simply shut up and did my time, built up my years and hoped – prayed, as I often do* – that it would all pay off, somehow. Like, the company would give me TEN MILLION POUNDS for being a customer for more than a decade.

They didn’t, so when I got my new phone, which I got today, it was a bit of a startling revelation to see I had indeed switched networks. The dream was over. O2 had lost their one true love. ME. And they didn’t give me ten million dollars. Or pounds. Bastards.

Yeah, there’s no point to this and it could have been a lot funnier than it is.

*Bit** of a lie.

**Massive.

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Being somewhere doesn’t make you FROM somewhere. Learn from this, internet things

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it already, but I’m in another country. While this country doesn’t belong to the EU, it does sit in the middle of the continent known as Europe (as well as being involved in the European trade something, or something. I forget). Basically, it’s Foreignia. Not England. Full of people who use languages I don’t understand.

But being here for a couple of weeks doesn’t mean I’m going to be here forever. It doesn’t mean I speak these stupid languages (STUPID), it doesn’t mean I live here, it doesn’t mean I’m never going home. In fact, I know exactly when I’m going home, I’m slightly better at speaking English after being here for just a few days and I absolutely am not giving up my British passport – it has a unicorn on the front, for fuck’s sake.

The reason I mention this isn’t because my friends or family are worried I’m abandoning The Queen’s own land. No, the reason I feel the need to mention it is because – apparently – all companies in the world seem to think I’m in Switzerland forever and I am never coming back. According to Google, I automatically want all of my results in German, even after I change the language settings for the thirtieth time (I’m too lazy to actually type .co.uk in the address bar). That’s quite annoying, but I can live with it, mainly by engaging in the solution buffered by parenthesis in the last sentence.

But the other things are genuinely annoying. Steam, the wallet-rapist, is midway through its Christmas sale, offering games I want (but will never play) at stupidly low prices. Now let’s ignore the fact that it tries to charge me in euros, which actually make the prices a quid or two more than God’s British Pounds. No, what annoys me here is I’m apparently just not allowed to buy things thanks to being in another country. Makes… sense?

The one that really annoyed and confused me, though, was O2. I have been looking a fair bit recently at upgrading my phone, as my contract is up soon – I’ve mentioned it about 89 times before. As such, I went to the site this evening and tried to look through the shop to see what’s on offer. “You’re not in the UK, so piss off” was the basic response. Unperturbed, I entered my login details and went through the upgrade button to get my upgrade code so I could browse the mega-super-personalised options (that definitely aren’t the same as everyone else’s). Seems even being logged in with the system knowing you are a UK resident holding an existing contract (with the company you’re currently using the site of) means a complete bag of shit-faced nothings in the eyes of O2.

In the grand scheme, it means very little. But right now, it’s bloody annoying.

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New phone time! (in four months)

Four months until my mobile contract runs out means it’s about time to start thinking about the possibility of (at some point) maybe getting an upgrade. Even though I can’t do it for four months. What this means is it’s time to peruse the O2 website, taking in all the phoney delights they have to offer* and generally getting confused about what the hell is going on these days.

At one point I had a faint grasp on what phone is good and what phone is shit, but these days all I know is that the iPhone is quite good. I know that, and I know that if I were to get one I would become a twat who talks about it all the time. This puts me off. I have no idea about HTCs, Nokia Nsomethings or anything else, to the point where it makes me sound like a doddering old fart.

I can take a Dual Shock 3 to pieces and put it back together with my eyes closed, mind you**.

No, I think I’ll probably spend a few months casually browsing the O2 shop, looking at the pretty phones, fearing I’d break the screen of a big-screened one with my fat arse and eventually deciding on the best option after weighing up all the pros and cons. I’ll have the perfect phone for my needs, it will be newer than my Nokia 6500c and it will have more features. Oh, and it won’t break the bank.

I’ll do all that, then I’ll just take the £100 account credit instead, so I don’t have to pay my bills for a few months. Sod getting a new phone – I barely use the thing anyway.

*Phone-y, not phoney as in false. As that would be rather daft, do you not think? I kind of like O2, they’re not phoney. Apart from the time they tried to screw me over for a contract I didn’t even have. But that’s all in the past, and no money changed hands. It’s all good. It’s allllll good.

**Though only if my eyes are open.

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