Tag Archives: pictures

Cinemas: shit, or REALLY shit?

I haven’t been to the cinema in bloody ages. In fact, the last film I saw was Clash Of The Titans (Titans Will Clash) in 3D, which was absolute ass of the highest order. I think it was really expensive too, but then I didn’t pay for it so WHO GIVES A FUCK?

I am, today though, going to the flicks. The pictures. The cinema. The movies. The picture house. The other name for it. The porn salon. No, wait – not the last one. There I will watch The Hangover 2: Hangover In Space.

I do not expect much from the film. Mainly because I really loved the first one, and it absolutely did not need a sequel at all. Hopefully low expectations will be rewarded with some fun, though.

Anyway, I need a topic away from aimless rambling here… hmm… cinemas, yeah. They’re a bit shit really, aren’t they? I mean, you have to sit in a room with other people, and we all know how shit other people are. They’re all “blah blah” and MUNCH MUNCH and screaming stupidly and smelling bad and being alive and other crap.

God I hate them.

Then there’s the skin diseases you can get from cinemas. Seriously – when I went to see Rambo in Leeds I went really itchy on the seat then a few hours later half my body was covered in a horrible rash. I mean, it went away pretty quickly, but still – that’s fucking foul.

Then there’s the shit expensive food and drink that can barely be classified as either of the things they claim to be. The massively expensive tickets. The inconvenience of having to go there. THE PEOPLE.

Yeah, I think I’ve convinced myself not to go now. OPPS.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prattle

The name (and image) game

I, like many of you out there, sometimes search for my name on Google. Over the years I’ve seen the Ian Dransfield who writes this very blog rise from second page obscurity into being the very first entry on search results, trouncing that Doctor Ian Dransfield who does so much work in the field of biological study. It’s obviously far less important than what I do. But that’s not what I want to look at today – no, I want to look at Google Image Search, where it’s much harder for results to simply come back from aggregator sites and other such bullshit (and rather frightening sites that rank what ‘sentiments’ my words express. Clue: mostly negative). I typed in “Ian Dransfield” to the search engine – with quote marks, to make it all exacting and stuff – and pulled out some of the more interesting results. I’m not putting them in any real order here, but let’s go:

This is the first result. This man isn’t even called Ian Dransfield. I have no idea why his face pops up. In a strange way, he does look like my dad though. He’s certainly not me though. I wonder if he wishes he was me. He probably does.

There are numerous images like these, all taken from the reviews I did for Kikizo (now Video Games Daily). Unfortunately none of them are me. I do not look like a shark.

I would be so bold as to assume this isn’t related to video games in any way, nor is it anything to do with this Ian Dransfield. I think it’s the molecular structure of cookies, or something.

Dr. Dransfield! I think I got an email intended for him once. That’s about as close as we’ve ever been. I know it’s hard to believe we’re not best buds, but it is unfortunately true. I like his face. I think all Ian Dransfields have great eye-creases when they smile.

This is the image of me used in Play and on the Imagine Publishing website (this version advertising my Twitter, natch). If you look closely, you’ll see that I’m not actually doing a mesma-stare and am, in fact, the victim of some rather unhelpful lens-glare on my specs. Just sayin’. I also cannot smile in photos.

This is an advert on a page where something I wrote has been copied to. I do find it rather amusing that searching for my name comes up with a PETA advert. It’s not that I’m pro-fur, I’m just pro-eating-as-much-meat-as-possible. My body does look a lot like this woman’s, though.

Ah. Hmm. I’m not sure what this says about me.

This would easily be the best image that pops up when searching for my name, were it not for the next result. Still: Meatloaf!

One day this image will represent everything about me, and everything that is fair, right and true in society. I mean just look at that mug grip technique.

What about yours? Anything fun?

4 Comments

Filed under Prattle