Tag Archives: politics

Politics went boring again

So who are you going to vote for then? I’m writing this with about half an hour of the final political debate, after having watched all of them and almost paid attention in-between Tweeting comedy gold. So it’s safe to say I’m the most politically-educated person alive today. Fact. What have we learned from these debates? Well, that the initial novelty does soon wear off. It was surprising and interesting to see these three leaders stand up, live on telly and talk about the issues that apparently matter. Initially, at least.

The second time around it became a bit old, with the three same blokes expressing the three same viewpoints on pretty similar points again. Third time around, it’s just out and out boring. We need more swearing, we need genuine anger, tears, fists flying and cries of “BIGOT!” whenever possible.

We don’t need Cameron saying “change” in under five seconds of his opening speech (as timed by John Prescott on Twitter), we don’t need Gordon Brown’s ‘switched off robot’ face every time he takes a breath, and we don’t need Clegg playing the “I’m so different to these two” card. Though, admittedly, most of all we need less David Cameron on TV. Forever. Horrible-faced man, very much needs a jab in the balls. If he has any.

Anyway, I’ve given up on it and moved to the football. Politics went from interesting to quite hopeful and back to dull samey shite over the space of three weeks. Oh well. It has actually affected my vote.

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Opinions are tiresome

I had an opinion once. It affected me so badly I fell into a coma that lasted four months. It’s not a mistake I intend to repeat. Still, it seems that just about everybody in the world wants to walk this Line Of Death and voice what their brain is telling them to say, usually stating a like or dislike of something a lot of people know about. It’s a risky endeavour, that’s for sure, and it’s something I am here to warn you about.

So yes, you feel that *INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE* didn’t perform to the standard you normally expect of them. Maybe it was *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN FOOTBALL KICKING MAN WHO NORMALLY PERFORMS WHAT IS ACCEPTED AS “WELL”* who wasn’t performing as well as he normally does. Perhaps it was down to *INSERT NAME OF REFEREE YOU CAN REMEMBER THE NAME OF*, who you remember because he sent *INSERT NAME OF PLAYER WHO FREQUENTLY GETS CARDED* off – but then, you suppose he always does! Ho ho.

Or maybe you move away from football and instead move on to something like music. You don’t think that *POPULAR BAND A* can’t live up to the success of their last album, especially in the face of challengers to the throne like *POPULAR BAND B*. Maybe if *SOMEONE OFF A TV TALENT SHOW* was involved they’d be able to keep the momentum going! Ho ho.

Films? Well, *INSERT NAME OF DIRECTOR YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE NAME OF* hasn’t been producing to the best of his ability since *INSERT NAME OF WELL-KNOWN BUT LITTLE-WATCHED FILM*. That really blew you away, didn’t it? Ho ho.

Politics? *INSERT NAME OF POLITICIAN* has got the policies, especially his stance on *INSERT POLICY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT*, which is something you can really get on board with. And Nick Griffin is a cunt.

I’m just saying, if you all have to keep this ludicrous charade up you’re just going to end up dead in a gutter. It’s not like you can actually get a job where you’re paid to express a critical evaluation of something, is it? If you think there is, you’re living in a crazy land of insane opinions.

That’s just my opinion, mind.

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