Tag Archives: rent

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO NOT PAYING MUCH RENT YEAH

It’s one of those things that’s blatantly obvious to anybody who pays any attention at all (me, people I know), but it still takes a report from a known public charity to make people sit up and take notice of the facts. Yes indeedy, rent is unaffordable for many people in the country.

Who’da thunk it? Well, like I said, me and people I know, as well as a lot I don’t. Why would we know this? Because rent is obnoxiously high wherever you try and live, at least in 75% of cases. I just made that figure up, by the way. There’s no Shelter-Science behind that.

Unfortunately I can’t claim to be in this group of people. While I spend too much of my wage on rent, my rent isn’t actually bad for what it is. In fact, it’s borderline good. Thems the benefits of having a private landlord who is marginally insane, I suppose.

Though he can evict me at a moment’s notice and probably doesn’t ever have to give me my deposit back or anything.

Anyway, I’ve decided to set up a handy guide to help you all get the cheap rent you deserve. Unless you don’t deserve cheap rent, or your parents or someone else pays it for you in which case you get nothing from me. NOTHING.

1.       Can you afford the rent?
If yes, move to question 2. If no, abandon all hope.

2.       Is it a shithole?
If yes, abandon all hope. If no, move to question 3.

3.       Do you really need to move that much? I sort of like your current place and don’t want you to break up the whole arrangement everyone has right now – I know it’s your choice and I’m being selfish, really, but I’m just trying to look at it from a different angle.
If ‘shut up Ian’, you win! If ‘huh?’ I WIN.

With this help you will all be able to get better places to rent. FACT.

I was going to do something ranty about shit landlords, but I got sidetracked by Inspection 12 and Picnicface. Soz.

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My landlord: a (fearful) appreciation

I am in a weird place right now. It feels comfortable, yet at the same time there’s a creeping dread in the back of my mind. It doesn’t let me settle totally; it keeps me thinking – what if? What if it goes wrong? What if you take a wrong turn? What if you break something in the communal kitchen?

I’m talking, naturally, of my living situation. My landlord is a nice guy, but at the same time slightly terrifying and potentially a bit mental. He has recently, as of yesterday I believe, evicted yet another tenant. I have lived here since August 2009 and have seen approximately 10-15 other housemates go through the mill in that time.

Some have gone of their own volition, usually because of the landlord’s strict rules*. Some have had to leave owing to financial difficulties. Some fell out with him but left amicably. The best ones, though, are the ones who have been told to get the fudge out. He doesn’t mess about, my landlord. He tells them to get out and they have 24 hours to vacate. If you’re not out, he’ll get you out – and he’s not exactly a bloke to be fucking about with. I think he could kill me with a single punch, but then I do have a glass jaw.

Then, the day after you’re gone, he’ll be at the house fitting a new lock and dishing out the new keys. This has happened four times since I’ve lived here.

So as you can gather, there’s good reason there’s always something playing on the back of my mind. I don’t really want to be forcibly evicted. So it’s good that I get on with him quite well, I’m not a dickhead, I pay my rent and I don’t cause trouble. And actually he’s quite a good landlord when you aren’t a knob with him. Yes, there’s the constant, simmering threat in the background of every conversation, but if you have a problem with your electrics he’ll fix it very quickly.

Can’t complain. Also won’t complain, lest I get turfed out.

*To be fair they’re mostly common sense, meaning I have no problem with them.

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