Tag Archives: sweden

Updating the places to live list

I have to say, this whole Wikileaks thing has certainly revealed some things I didn’t think we were going to get thrust in our faces in such an obvious fashion. Not the leaks themselves – they’re too numerous and there’s much too much that’s genuinely horrifying for me to do it justice by chatting about it here (maybe I will in future) – but in the way the countries of the word have banded together to help me fill out my complete ‘yes, I would live there’ list.

See, I never really wanted to live in the US, and now they’ve revealed that they’re open to allowing journalists to call for the assassination of someone then yeah, I’m not up with that. As for politicians doing the same? Wow. Also: Sarah Palin. Hmm. Even the Canadians said something twatty, so they have to be struck off the list now.

The Swedes aren’t helping by trying to lure Assange in for questioning on a rape charge that was dropped months ago. I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone with a brain (1.3% of the population of the world, apparently) that he’ll be on an unmarked cargo plane to an undisclosed location before his feet hit Gothenburg’s ground. So Sweden, much as I love it, has to go.

Australia? Let me down. Britain? Still shit. France? French. Spain? Doing well in trying to arrest the CIA dweebs, but I never wanted to live there anyway. Russia? Hah! See, I’ve noticed something. And it scares me. All of these names are dropping off the list and leaving me with fewer options.

And the one option remaining is Switzerland. Because they haven’t behaved like dickheads in all of this. Sigh. But that probably has to be struck off the list due to the fact that I don’t have enough money for them. The bastards. DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO LIVE THERE ANYWAY.

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No time for a picture, I’m too busy whining

I am just going to spend not many words here predicting what will happen in my attempts at sleeping tonight: my headache that I currently have will prove too annoying for me to sleep for ages. As I have no painkillers I will have to tough it out.

When it subsides I will still not be able to sleep as it is too warm in this room, then I will be uncomfortable as the bed is quite small. Then I’ll remember I’ve left the window open and will be able to hear all the awful people outside going about their stupid business.

I am tired and crotchety. Hush down. It’s all clearly for effect.

For you see, I am in Sweden for the second time this year as a result of work. This makes me happy as before this job/year I had never been to Sweden, and now I have been to Sweden twice. Granted I have a bitch of a headache and won’t get to see everything this rather nice place has to offer*, but it’s still great.

Whining over. Ish. Headache. Grr.

*Who am I kidding? If I came here of my own volition for some kind of holiday I would go nowhere, do nothing and simply find a single bar to spend all my time in.

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Sweden: the definitive review (7/10)

So having been here for less than 24 hours (in fact, at the time of writing this thrilling introduction it’s actually 6.43am GMT (7.43am SHT (StockHolmTime)) and I’ve been here a matter of hours. Thanks to the miracle of technology, though, this will be on your internets going straight into your brain IN THE FUTURE) I think it’s safe to review this so-called ‘Slice of Scandinavian Heaven’. Nobody I know has ever called it that except for me just then, but so long as someone has used that name it’s fine to say “so-called”, in my book.

Ignoring the Let the Right One In-style ugly tower blocks on the way in to the city, this is one lovely looking place. Or so I’ve been told. I’ve seen most of it flying past the window in cars and planes, and frankly that’s no way to take it all in. We did wander to a local corner shop though and I paid 40SEK for a hot dog and a brownie. I think that’s about £4,000 Human Money. Still, they’ve certainly got buildings around here, and it’s well quiet.

And the people? Bloody lovely. Well, again, from what I can tell. Having dealt mostly with PRs (who aren’t Swedish) and hotel staff (who are paid to be nice to you) I’d say this was possibly a skewed representation of the populace as a whole, but then I do have a hangover and I don’t want to write off an entire nation solely based on the fact that I haven’t met them all. Well done Sweden, you’re doing well so far!

As for the climate; well, it’s good to go to a country for once that promises snow and dutifully delivers. Yes, Switzerland, you other alleged neutral, I’m looking at you. Hang on – quick Wiki check – yes, they were just as “neutral” as the Swiss in dubya dubya two. Anna, sort it out. Where was I? Ah, weather. It’s well snowy, la, and it’s hilarious how easily these vikings take it in their stride. In fact, our taxi driver yesterday was telling me how she hates any other weather. Imagine that: a world where society itself doesn’t immediately crumble at the merest hint of anything more than a light breeze. A man can dream… a man can dream.

As for the hookers – delicious! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAohhh I have a headache.

Anyway, in summation: Sweden is one for fans only/redefines the genre/is the best country ever made/avoid like the plague/average. 7/10.

POSTSCRIPT: If all Swedish showers are like this one, I suggest you move to Sweden. It’s like your own little slice of heaven. If heaven involves water cascading onto your face at an alarming rate while you cleanse yourself.

POST-POSTSCRIPT: The selection of eggs these people have is marvellous. Simply astonishing. Fried, scrambled, poached – even boiled! What a crazy place this land of the Volvo is.

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Airports are fun, aren’t they?

I’m sat waiting for a slight to Stockholm in Heathrow’s terminal 5. It’s like being in the future, except an awful future full of horrible people with faces like they’ve just been twocked on the back of the head with a sock full of coins. And the suits! Ohhh, the suits. They’re everywhere. Pinstriped prannocks, one has to say.

There’s probably a point to this rushed entry (rushed not because I don’t want to say things, more because I’ve only got a few minutes left on my £2.99 for 30 minutes of internet). Here goes something trying to resemble a point:

I still have that childlike wonder about me when it comes to airports. They were quite the fixture of my youth, as jet-setting a family as we were. We went everywhere; Tenerife, Greece, Tenerife – you name it! So obviously airport lounges, duty free shops selling shit no one would buy, Boots with its tiny shampoo – they should all still fill me with joy, right?

Well, they do. A tiny bit, so nowhere near as much as when I was wee. But – call me pathetic – they really do. I find them exciting, as you’re always going to go on a plane, which is always ace (though I’m more scared of flying now than I ever was as a kid) and you’re always going to end up somewhere new. It’s clearly how the explorers in the 15th century felt, in their seaport lounges, or whatever it is they had.

I do wonder if they had to go through the rigmarole of having their hair gel taken from them, however. Or their shampoo. It’s not my fault I didn’t actually check how many ml of Head & Shoulders I had. Alright, so it is my fault, but still – I’m annoyed.

Where was that point again? Oh yeah, it buggered off a long time ago. Sorry kids, no image today. Can’t be bothered. And with that, I get on a plane to Sweden.

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