Tag Archives: things to do

Na na na na na wasting your time, like how that Green Day song goes

How many of you waste holiday? As in, time off work. What do you waste it on? I really want to know this, as I am considering booking time off work in order to waste it effectively. My choices of how to waste it are limited to a few options, which I will list… in a bit. Maybe now.

No, not now. First I talk a bit about something else, like holiday. I haven’t taken it as regularly as I did last year, but I have taken it in big chunks. Damn Things To Do Around The World. I do, however, want to go back to Amsterdam, because Amstergoddamn that place was good. Also Groezrock, but not camping – in an RV YES I SAID RV. Anyway, I promised a list and I know you’re all on the edge of your collective seat.

So I’m not going to do a list just yet. Nah, I’ll talk about something else else for a bit. I haven’t even bothered with a long weekend in an age. I should probably do that. An extra few hours of sleep in a Friday morning is something I could do with. He says on a Thursday afternoon when he doesn’t have tomorrow off work. Damn it. LIST TIME! What I could waste my time on with time off:

  • Play videogames.
  • Read the (easy) books I ordered today.
  • Play more videogames.
  • Come up with longer lists of things to waste my time off work on.

That’s about it, really. Suggestions welcome. Like ‘making a fucking epic sandwich’, or something.

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Things to do before the big three-oh: UPDATE

I wrote a list of things I wanted to do before I was 30, all the way back in January of 2010. I think it’s about time to update you all on my progress and see where we can go from here. Mainly because this is an easy catch-up entry. Hush down.

1. Write something funny for radio/television/whatever wider audience there is.
Nope

2. Get myself out of debt, at least in part.
Yep, followed by a re-nopeing

3. Eat enough beans for a random passer-by to exclaim “that’s a lot of beans!”
Alas, still a nope

4.Through a bean-based diet, lose some weight.
Though weight has gone, it hasn’t been bean-based, so this is a nope

5. Following bean-exclamation and subsequent bean-diet, get as buff as Buff Bagwell (the clue’s in his name, amazingly).
A nope, as bean-working out in earnest hasn’t commenced

6. Give up all hope of writing for telly, instead opt to reform Sharkey and George, crime-busters of the sea. On stage.
Hopefully we’ll see some movement on this soon

7. See the Queen naked.
Every day, in my mind

8. See Queen naked.
Every other day, in real life

9. Play Mass Effect 2 45 times.
Does one time, then half a time, then quarter of a time count?

10. Re-write this list with more beans-based steps.
Absolutely nopeish. I gave up on beans a while ago, it seems

And there you have it. I have completed so little on the list and I’m running out of time. With little over two years left until I hit the age where I may as well abso-defolutely be dead, I should get a move on.

Or just kill myself, then I won’t have to try anymore.

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The Fear

I no longer remember a time when I didn’t have The Fear. Well, that’s a lie I’ve just made up for dramatic effect – I still remember being a child and having no responsibility whatsoever. That was great. I wrote things for fun then, and didn’t give a shit what people thought about them. Now I’m too wracked by self-doubt and lethargy that I don’t get anything done outside of work and here (this, of course, being used as an aid to keep my fingers nimble and my mind match fit). But that’s another topic for another time. What I want to talk about is something that’s been with me since I was 11 years old: The Fear.

Back in comprehensive school (hah! I’m poor!) we had homework. I would leave it until the night before – sometimes the morning – it had to be handed in before I would do it, and I would always get it done to a decent enough standard. Then came 6th form: same story. University was an interesting one, as while the fear was ever-present, I actually managed to go completely off the rails and nadger up my second year, actually missing deadlines and eventually dropping out. But that wasn’t the fault of The Fear: that was outside interference. No, The Fear has always been an ally; there to push me to get my finger out, to get the job done and to be more than just another failure working in a shop for the rest of my life. It’s what got me back on track when I re-enrolled at uni, and it’s what got me to write my 10,000 words of dissertation in under two days (the less said about the mark (I passed!) the better).

And then so came the Dark Years – unemployment, working in a shop, not doing anything of worth and generally being a bit shit. It took about a year of this before I felt the urge. I felt it picking away at the back of my neck, reminding me that I should get off my arse and… well, sit down and write some things. It was my old friend, back after around 12 months of travelling the world looking for more things to inflict itself on me with. Writing to deadlines again for freelance work, I was once more on the saddle riding The Fear. Since then it’s hardly been from my side.

I went from the Dark Years on to more schooling – again with homework, exams and portfolios to keep The Fear topped up. On finishing, I immersed myself in more of the things that had kept me tiding over before the course: daily work to be done, reviews, interviews and anything else to keep me writing. Then I got this job last year, and it’s so perfect for me it’s unreal. Yes, I get paid to play videogames and have opinions on them, yes it’s a magazine I read as a 14-year-old and yes I do enjoy it quite a lot. But the main thing that keeps me going; that keeps me happy?

This job is based almost entirely around The Fear.

I love The Fear.

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Things to do before the big three-oh

Much as you lovely ladies out there don’t want to accept it, I am in fact getting on in life. In three-and-a-half years I will be 30, and with it I will finally become a Full Adult. I will be able to grow a beard, avoid bubble gum, stop finding pictures of penises funny, cease to play video games and wear more leather jackets with tweed elbow pads.

Before my worthwhile time on this earth is up, however, I would like to accomplish some things. As such I have devised a list which I intend to complete every step of before I reach the astonishingly ancient age of 30. Read on, and hopefully help me out with what I think will be the biggest Challenge Ianeka we have ever seen:

1. Write something funny for radio/television/whatever wider audience there is.

2. Get myself out of debt, at least in part.

3. Eat enough beans for a random passer-by to exclaim “that’s a lot of beans!”

4.Through a bean-based diet, lose some weight.

5. Following bean-exclamation and subsequent bean-diet, get as buff as Buff Bagwell (the clue’s in his name, amazingly).

6. Give up all hope of writing for telly, instead opt to reform Sharkey and George, crime-busters of the sea. On stage.

7. See the Queen naked.

8. See Queen naked.

9. Play Mass Effect 2 45 times.

10. Re-write this list with more beans-based steps.

I genuinely hope you can find it in your hearts to help me out in my ceaseless endeavours. With your support and my strength of will, incredible character, astounding charm, fabulous good looks, rapist wit, mind-blowing sexiness, quite big height and life-changing haircut, we can make this list of tomorrow’s hope become a list of today’s success.

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