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Out Of Spite XI: The Ultimate Review (7/10)

This weekend saw my much-blabbed about return to Leeds after a year and a month of absence. The purpose of the visit was, ostensibly, to attend Out Of Spite festival at The Well (formerly Joseph’s Well). It is a small gathering of bands and people, hanging out in a car park, drinking warm beer out of car boots and watching a few bands when you can be bothered.

Basically, it’s brilliant.

Probably the best element of the weekend was seeing the faces I know. Not because they’re my mates, they’re acquaintances, they’re just people I recognise or for any other reason like that. No, it’s just fun to have a barometer for how much we’re all ageing – quite a bit, judging by the haggard visages on show, littering The Well’s carpark.

I am well aware I form a part of this particular gang, what with my ever-more creased face and salt ‘n’ pepper hair.

It’s not even a huge amount of time between them, really, but I was 21 on the first OOS I went to, now I’m pushing 28 (just over a week and counting). I still wear the same shorts.

Oh, some bands played too. Bangers were brilliant, Milloy were Milloy and the rest I only paid a bit of attention to. Just like always then, really.

7/10

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Zurich – the ultimate review (7/10)

Stepping out of the 4×4* into the tight, cobbled back streets of Switzerland’s biggest city** is one thing, but when you step out and there’s a light dusting of snow covering everything – that’s when you know this place is somewhere special. Unfortunately that’s ‘special’ as in ‘massively retarded’, and not special in the sense you all foolishly assumed.

I mean, what would I find alluring about a beautiful, clean, safe and even-more-beautiful city in a country that isn’t run by David Cameron? Nothing, that’s what. If you said “something”, I hate you because you’re wrong and more MASSIVELY RETARDED than Zurich itself.

One thing – and only one thing – I will say going for the city is that I never felt like I belonged. You know those annoying times where you go somewhere and it just clicks? The kind of place you feel like you should have been to a long time before and want to stay for a while? Yeah, none of that here, thankfully. I find it tends to ruin my ability to blindly react to stupid, pointless and thoroughly bewildering (in the bad way) beautiful surroundings.

So all in all, this is one of the worst places I have ever been in my life. If I have to go back again at any point in my life, it will be too soon. It will be too soon and I will want to die. It will be too soon, I will want to die and I will probably go on a hammer-killing spree. Consider yourselves warned.

7/10

*Necessary, owing to the winding mountain roads coated in snow. Unlike in Bournemouth/London/Leeds/Manchester/etc. Cocks.

**It might not be, I haven’t bothered checking or even asking the girl from Zurich sat next to me.

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